Thursday, October 7, 2010

Why do Girls Fall in Love with Men Who are Bad for Them?

Assalammualaikum wrt wbt. :)

I came across this post by Marina Mahathir few weeks ago. And I have been wanting to write about it ever since, but due to the endless Raya Open Houses and outings and study and some other things, I wasn't able to type it out.
Honestly, the topic has been haunting me days and nights, almost exploding my mind and brain wanting to be typed out and shared within this cyber world.

Marina commented on this news published on 23rd Sept 2010 (what a memorable date for me, that is) in The Star.

Thursday September 23, 2010

Woman's Fatal Attraction


SHAH ALAM: Her boyfriend was convicted of murdering her three-year-old daughter but Siti Nurhanim Aziz still loves him.

Siti Nurhanim Aziz, 25, said she was not even angry with Mohd Fazli Azri Jamil who was sentenced to death by the High Court here yesterday for killing Syafiah Humaira Sahari earlier this year.

“He (Mohd Fazli) loved my daughter so much, therefore I love him,” the sales assistant told reporters at the court here yesterday.

Describing the 28-year-old taxi driver as a loving person, she said she was not satisfied with the court’s verdict which found her boyfriend guilty of the crime. It was also Mohd Fazli’s 28th birthday yesterday.

Still in love: Siti Nurhanim walking out of the High Court in Shah Alam.

Asked if she forgave him, a teary Siti Nurhanim said: “I was never angry at him all this while. He had no intention to kill Syafiah. He is innocent.”

Siti Nurhanim is said to be married to former policeman Sahari Usul, who is currently detained at the Sungai Buloh prison for a separate murder.

In his ruling, Justice Mohtarudin Baki found Mohd Fazli guilty of murdering the girl by kicking and stepping on her with his football boots at a football field on Feb 25.

Mohd Fazli kissed Siti Nurhanim on the cheek as police officers led him away after the judgment was delivered.

His mother Norhaziah Yusof, 52, cried out: “My son is innocent”, as family members sobbed in the public gallery.

Mohd Fazli is taken away after his sentencing yesterday.

A smiling Mohd Fazli then turned to reporters and said sarcastically: “Thank you very much, reporters.”

Justice Mohtarudin said the injuries suffered by Syafiah Humaira were inconsistent with the defence’s claim that the child fell off a motorcycle.

Although Mohd Fazli claimed he was high on drugs and had drunk two bottles of stout at the time of the offence, the judge ruled that self-induced intoxication was not a complete defence.

“It is clear that the accused was rational at the time as he was able to drive his taxi to the field and back,” said Justice Mohtarudin.

He added that Mohd Fazli’s act of slamming the car door on the girl and stepping on her with his football boots was unacceptable and showed that he had intended to murder the child.

Lawyer Gurbachan Singh, who represented Mohd Fazli, said he received instructions from his client to appeal against the conviction. Deputy Public Prosecutors Idham Abd Ghani, Hanim Mohd Rashid and Zureen Elina Mohd Dom acted for the prosecution.


Feel free to read Marina's blog to know what is her opinion on this matter. I do not really agree with all the points she raised but still, it's a worth piece of opinions. :) And so is mine, heh..

I think she raised a very important, and deserved-to-be-looked-at matter; the title of my post today, "Why do Girls Fall in Love with Men Who are Bad for Them?"

She pointed out that the society nowadays sees marriage as a way to legalise intimate relationship, which I believe, is a valid reason for getting married. That is why in Islam we have many hukum when it comes to marriage, it can come under Wajib (Compulsory) or even Haram (Forbidden). However, what happens if the sole reason of marriage is only to legitimise that physiological need of every being? Or worse, what will happen if that couple getting married are only capable of fulfilling that need without being able to live together and support themselves?

And these girls (or women) who fell in love with men who are bad for them, is that really love or just a sense of wanting to depend to someone and trust their lives with him?
Man and woman have been created with different needs; and believe me, no matter how much you want to deny that, you are subjected to human emotions and needs.
So, these girls (or women) may just be trapped in their needs, and the men they see in front of them are unfortunately, not the best men for them.

But, as the famous saying goes, "Love is Blind", could it be that these unfortunate girls really love these men? What is love then? Or at least, what does it mean to them?
BLERGH, I'm not trying to be a love counsellor here, just that these Qs have been inside my head for quite an appreciable period of time.

And, when I mention "these girls", it doesn't refer only to the unfortunately less educated, poor girls out there who got pregnant and was left alone to face the cruelty of life, I was also referring to any highly educated girls, who are unfortunate or not, depends on your perspective, fell for a man who are bad for them.

Marina also stated that there are women who knew that their husbands are drug users before marrying him, but she married him still. Why? Could it be that these women believed through their bones that they could help these man, their future husband to leave drugs? Perhaps they saw hope in these men?
I can't think of any other reason why a woman will marry a man known to be a drug user if not for the intention of helping him.

Well, what a noble intention, that is! But what a great price these women have to pay! What more if the husbands are not willing to depart even an inch from their drugs. How broken-hearted these women will be?!

How about those women who did nothing even when they are abused, be it sexually, physically or even mentally?
Are they incapable of doing anything, or have they lost their self-ish-ness?
Perhaps they don't mind being treated that way so long as the husband is there? What more is important to a woman than her family and kids?

I've been raising a lot of questions I myself are unable to answer.
What is there in a woman's heart that they are blinded from seeing the harm these men are inflicting on them, instead they continue to love, and stayed loyal?
What had happened to their inner-consciousness?

But of course, life is never a bed of roses, unless you're born as a multi-millionaire's daughter who have nannies and nice dresses and good friends with good education during your childhood, and die before teenager. :

I do not know where this discussion is leading me to.
I've realised that I gave more Qs than opinions.

Ok, I'm sleepy...
I shall rest my case and call it a day. :)


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