Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My final clinical exam is coming this Thursday 14th June 2012. That is exactly a month from my final theory exam on the 14th of last month.
And after this clinical exam, I will have a 4 week SSC project and then, Malaysia I come!

I am not sure how should I be feeling now. I've had two weeks of study break to prepare for this clinical exam and I've used the two weeks to study, shop in Manchester twice, sleep, and watch at least 2 and a half series of Korean and Japanese dramas.

It was as though the two weeks were too much and too long, given that the exam is only a day. But at the same time, these 2 weeks fled like wind, and suddenly I am left with only 2 days. I can't say I did not prepare at all, I did. But at this point of time, I found myself so saturated and desperate that I do not know what else to study on but I do not have the heart to do "other things" eg watching dramas, shopping or sleeping, or even reading novels! It was as if I am robbing myself of my study time if I start doing non-academic stuff.

As I logged into my blog to write this post, to pour all these emotional and mental saturation, an email reached my inbox. It was from Medscape Medical Student, and the subject was Suicide Among Medical Students. Oh! What a timing! No no, I've never thought of suicide. But since suicide is very highly associated with exhaustion and desperation; the two emotional states that can describe my current mental state, the email tickled me into laughter.

I think I've prepared enough. But I think I have not known everything (or most of the things).
There will be 16 stations in this OSCE exam, and I need to fail only 4 to fail the whole exam. Resit is on Aug 8th, but I am not supposed to be back in the UK until a week after raya. Thus, failing will not only mean that I have to suffer the agony of preparing for the resit during my summer break, but also an extra of at least £600 for my flight ticket here. So, a fail is definitely out of the question here.

After publishing this post, I do not know what to do.
Should I continue studying? If yes, what?
If no, then what should I do?

I can see my chocolate and Dorito's waving at me, asking me to have one, two or hundreds bites at them.
But then, I remembered that I've gained at least 3,4kg since I got here last year *tears*

I can see my novels waving at me, asking me to pick them up and flip them open.
But then, I see my OSCE books and notes.

I can see my purse and coin bag, asking me to get out of the house and take a bus to the town.
But then, I remembered than I have to save money and that exam is coming in two days.

I want these two days to pass as fast as they can, so that I can get over this exam fast.
But I also am afraid that I am not fully prepared, thus more time will always help.

Oh, whatever~

-Because life is a test-