Sunday, May 30, 2010


I'm off to Kuala Kubu Bharu in 1.5hour time.
I hv rotation postings over there in KKB Hospital.
Hope it'll be fun and enjoyable.
Looking forward for it.

So, will not be able to update the blog for at least 4 days.
Hope I'll have juicy stories to post here once I got back.


Sunday 30th May 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010

Today (yesterday) Was a Fairytale

Yes, apparently it was.
It could have been better though, but I am content with this for now.
Kicked start the day (now officially yesterday) with lunch (started the day with a lunch? Am I kidding?) with Kak Aniisah, Diba and Diana in Jusco Maluri at Mdm Lim's. It was a chinese restaurant though they do not serve refill-able chinese tea like normal chinese restaurants do (which was the exact reason I refused to order a drink there. Hahah).

The 4 of us talked on a lot of things, from experiences to opinions, to blood donation and autopsies, from labour room to anti-arrhythmic drugs. I think that kind of conversation is what one have to expect when one make 4 students from various healthcare courses (me and K.Nisa are Med stdnts, Diana's Pharmacy and Diba's Nursing) sit together around a table, over a lunch.

We then split into 2 after the lunch and so me and Diana headed to Times Square for a movie. We had Kidnapper (it's a S'pore movie, for those who don't know) in mind but the only seats left were the ones in the very front row. And just the thought of having my neck flexed up staring at the screen for the next 2 hours terrifies me. And because I'm totally turned off by the movie Shrek, more on that later, we went to Secret Recipe instead. Sat there for at least 2 hours I think. Fuh, we catched up on a lot of things. And I am so totally in my holiday mood today even though my exam is in a month time.

What happened in Sec Rec was a funny, but tricky incidence.
From 3pm - 6pm, customers will get a free cup of tea or coffee with every purchase of a slice of cake. Thus of course, me and Diana wandered around Times Square until 3pm, just for the sake of that free cup of drink. I finished my cup of white coffee kinda early, and unfortunately my crave for sweet drinks were uncontrollable at that time that I decided to order another cup of coffee. And guess what, a cup of coffee cost RM5.50, it almost choked me. And a slice of cake cost RM6.50. Which means, just by the difference of RM1, I can get a slice of cake with a cup of coffee for free. So, like any other rational people craving for sweet drinks will do, I ordered another slice of cake, got my free cup of coffee, did not touch the new slice of cake and at the end of our 2 hours, I requested to pack the cake up bcos I wont be able to finish it up. I won't stuff myself with 2 slices of cake and 2 cups of coffee in 2 hours time, I'm not too depressed for that, yet.
So, to people out there, if you want to have more than a cup of coffee in Sec Rec, and if it's between 3 to 6pm, order a slice of cake, and give the cake to someone else if you do not want to stuff yourself with it. After all, the difference is only RM1.

Back from the outing with Diana, I found my brothers trying to lit up the fire for a BBQ. Isn't that just lovely?
After the memorable outing with a girlfriend, I have these two of the most important boys in my life burning the hair on their forearm trying to lit the fire with charcoal, fan and oil.
Since both our parents were not at home, dad with his work and mum having some meeting with her friend outside, after Maghrib prayer the 4 of us ate beside the fireplace (how shall I call the place where we did BBQ? Stove? and yes, they managed to BBQ the chickens) and had real fun while waiting for mum to come back (she promised to come back not too late).

And when she did, we took the dessert out (which included the slice of cake I brought back from Sec Rec and a bar of chocolate Diana bought for me) and continue eating while playing "the game of the songs".
After clearing up, we continued the game in the living room, until my dad came back.
And so we stopped our game and started chatting with each other.
My brother, Wasil performed a magic show.
Then both Wasil and Ah Chye (another brother) performed a mini MJ dance which was hilarious.
And I told them about my weird weird dream.
And all of us basically had fun, until mum told us to go to sleep at 11.30pm.
Which explains why I am still awake at 12.43am now, writing a post about my wonderful day today.

How can things be better?
I don't know. There are a lot of ways things can be better.
We never know what God has for us in the future.
We can only do our best.


Saturday 29th May

I'll Be There for You

I'll be there for you.

A powerful sentence.
A meaningful sentence.
A booking-a-ticket-to-road-to-suffer sentence.
An easy-to-forget sentence.

It's very soothing to know someone is always there for us.
But not all of us can be there for someone else.
And if we do, not all the people we are there for, realised our existence (ouch!).
Sometimes, we have given a lot of ourselves to the people we care for, but received nothing in return.
Sometimes we have been receiving a lot of things from people who cared about us, giving nothing in return.

Sometimes, we give too much to people that when we don't receive anything in return, it hurts.
But, why are we expecting in the first place?
Just human, possibly?
Relationship (and I'm including friendship, parent-child relationship, enemy-ish relationship too) is like a business.
It has always been a business deal.
We give something, expecting for something in return.
Or at least it has been like that to me lately.

Lecturers gave their knowledge to me in class, they'll expect respect from me.
My parents gave their love to me, they'll expect obedience, love and tolerance from me as well.
Friends giving me their opinions, they'll expect me to be their true friend, giving them opinions and advises at times too.
Come on, who will ever love someone, and say to him or her, "Ok, you can backstab me. I'm okay with it. Because I totally love you"

That's ridiculous, and rather foolish.

However, there's a word called "unconditioned love".
I am not sure how far can that word go.
Is there really an "unconditioned love"?
Will a parent still love his or her child who left them, antagonise them, hurt them, dishonor them, and hurt them to a point of no return?
I am not sure, and I don't want to try.

I find that a lot of people try to be there for a lot other people.
But most of the time, they went unnoticed.
So please people, look around and look carefully.
Who had always been there for you?
Your mum? Your dad?
Your friend?
Your teacher?

Whoever it might be, start appreciating them.
Because, there are still foolish people around in the world who will still love unconditionally, although they have been hurt many a times before.

I think my own opinions are contradicting each other in this post.
I guess humans are just designated to be too complex to be understood completely, with too bizarre mind to be predicted and too creative to be suppressed.


Saturday 29th May 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010

Fictional (?)


Few days ago, as I browsed thru people's blog, I stumbled upon this one blog.
It is a blog written by a Pakistani girl who calls herself Raisa.
I can't help it but I was really dazzled by her writings.
Her English was terrifiic and her choice of words are very appropriate too.

Apparently she's the daughter of one of Pakistan's richest men.
Her father owned a lot of lands and he's a politician too (if I am not mistaken).
Reading thru her blog really brought me into her world.
The description of her life, tradition, responsibilities and expectations of the people around her were all very clear, and believe-able.

Her life was even full of dramas.
She had just finished high school and like almost all the girls of her age in Pakistan, her mother is looking for a "fine husband" for her.
It seems she disagrees to arranged marriage.
She wanted to further her study, to get a bachelor degree.

And the best thing is, none of the people she knows actually know the existence of her blog.
She wrote about her best friend "went too far" during her first date.
And the best friend got pregnant, and had an abortion.

She has even travelled almost all part of the world.

Although her writings are very interesting, but I gradually start to feel that they are unbelievable.
They are all too dramatic too be true.
But her descriptions about her family tradition and expectations can't be argued with, they are all very clear.
And language.
My mum always tell me, to improve one's English, one has to read English books, think in English, speak English, practise the language etc etc.
But Raisa, raised in a traditional Pakistani family has a very good English.
Most probably the international school she was sent to trained her well but, it's almost unbelievable.

And she loves America.
She thinks Americans are very good and nice, she did not face any racism hostility during her visits there.
Which made me wonder.....could it be true?

Reading her posts is like reading a novel to me.
It's nicely written.
However, I do not know whether to trust her stories or not.

I am not even sure if she's reading this post of mine.
I commented a few times on her blog, and she actually replied to it.
God knows if she's reading this.
*Raisa, if you are reading this, I'm sorry if it hurts for me doubting you (if you are true)*


Readers must feel kinda suspense (or perhaps annoyed?), why am I not disclosing her blog link???
Well, I am not sure whether I should.
Anyway, if anyone would want to know her link, can either leave a comment or cntact me personally.

Lies Lead Nowhere

Seriously, lies lead nowhere.

When I was in my last yr of high school, one of my teachers gave a talk.
I forgot what was the talk for but he mentioned about lying.
He said one lie leads to another lie on so on and so forth.
There will be no ending until you admit the first lie was a lie, and so were the rest.
And then, there you go. Doomed!

-I am not pointing to anybody in this post. Just a random reminder for you and me-

You bought that phone second hand, but you told people you bought it first hand, from a original shop. First lie.
People will start asking how much you bought it for, you gotta give an expensive price, original phone shop DOES NOT sell phone cheap. Second lie.
People start putting their nose into your business, where did you get your money from? Your monthly income won't be able to give you that phone. There comes the third lie.
And questions will keep coming in until the lies you make sounds terribly illogic.
But what to do? You're stucked.
You either continue lying or admit you lied, from the beginning.

That was the example that teacher gave.

So believe me, lies lead nowhere.
People might look convinced, but most probably they are not.
Deep in their hearts, they know you're lying.
They just wanna play along, not disclosing your lies.
Sometimes, trying to not making you embarrassed.
Sometimes, just to see how far would you go with the lies.
But, what kind of people will you be in their eyes?

And this reminds me of the story of the boy, with his sheep and a wolf.
Know this famous children story?

There was a boy, who was supposed to herd his sheep.
And one day, he was so bored that he decided to play a joke on his villagers.
He came running into the village, screaming "A wolf is attacking my sheep!!!"
And then came lots of men with their weapons to chase the wolf away, and found out there's no wolf anywhere in sight.
And the boy laughed, saying it was only a joke.
The villagers were very angry but decided not to do anything to him, since he was just a boy, although an old one.

After a few weeks, he did the same thing again. And the villagers came running again to save his sheep but found out they were being tricked, again.

And then he did it for the third time, and the villagers were tricked again.

After a few weeks, a wolf really came and attack his sheep.

He came running into the village asking for help but no one believed him.
He cried and begged, none of the villagers fell for his pleas.
And he lost some of his sheep, for real.
The villagers then got to know that the attack was a real one, but it was already too late.

He then regretted for the pranks he did, which cost him the trust of his villagers and some of his sheep.

Ok, I shall get back to study.

And I think this title of my post should be rectified.
Lies lead to nowhere somewhere, they lead to DESTRUCTION.



Fickle-minded me.
I do not know how many times have I changed my blog layout.
And believed it or not, I tweaked this layout myself!
Took me an awfully long time.
And it has passed 1am now.

I guess a better word for fickle-minded will be "an interest in trying new and challenging things".

I am not gonna write long.
Till here then.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

1 Malaysia

1 Malaysia.

How much money have been spent for the publicity of 1Malaysia?

I don't know.

How many events, festivals, celebrations had been held to superficially "give a life" to 1 Malaysia?

I don't know.

How many times in a week do you watch dances featuring hundreds of dancers wearing all kinds of uniforms; police uniforms, firefighters, astronauts, the people of Sabah, Sarawak, all the traditional attires in the news?

How much had the government pay all the dancers?
I don't know

How many times already have you heard of our leaders go to various countries in the name of diplomatic visits in the world to "make the world know Malaysia"?

I don't know.

How much had the government paid for all these visits?

I don't know.

The government really is going to cut our subsidies?

I don't know.

Can the money actually be channelled to something more beneficent?

Yes, it can.

Like what?

What about:-

  1. Give more students scholarship?
  2. Build more public libraries?
  3. Help the single mothers?

Can I ever be the Prime Minister of Malaysia?
I don't know.

So, what do I know?

Nothing. I'm just a second year medical student. 
But I'm very curious. 

-Just a thought-


Tuesday 25th May 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010

Freedom Flotilla, the Fleet of Ships in attempt to Break the Siege on Gaza

Sorry, I'm not going to write much on this.
Just that I've just came to know about another fleet of humanitarian convoy trying to send aids to the Gazans, and I've done some googling.
I'll just post up some of the articles@news I read.
Happy reading!
And may this honorable aid reach Gaza!

by Ahmad H. Aggour

It’s been almost 3 years now ever since the blockade of Gaza had started, from June 2007 when Hamas had seized control of the region. And ever since then, over 1.5 million Gazans have been cut off from all aspects of the outside World, suffocating in a small strip that’s no more than 360 square kilometers big (139 square miles) in a constant state of oppression, brutalization and gradual dehumanization by the Israeli Government in cooperation with the Egyptian Government. Can you imagine living in such a densely populated area?! Take my advice from a person who lives in Cairo; being also densely populated, I assure you it’s not fun, especially when to the rest of the World out there, you’re almost virtually incommunicado.

Then came the war in 2008, Operation ‘Cast Lead’ with the purpose of halting the rocket launches made by Hamas, and lasting for about 3 weeks, with no positive result, “just” the deaths of approximately 1,417 Palestinians, with over 400 women and children, along with the use of illegal weapons of war, e.g. White phosphorus and DIME explosives, that targeted buildings, vehicles and people without discrimination.

Shortly after this event, came the idea of the Gaza Freedom March, triggered by this war, over 1,300 activists from over 40 countries, including myself had converged in Cairo, set out to deliver humanitarian aid to the Gazans. And after weeks of demonstrating and protesting in Cairo, then al-Arish. The Rafah crossing was finally opened and over 150 trucks of food and medicinal supplies got to pass through. It felt good, I felt good I had the opportunity to participate in such an event with the rest of the few Egyptian activists who joined me there as well.

And right now, the Freedom Flotilla sets out to aid Gaza; a group of ships; starting with the MV Rachel Corrie, a cargo ship, that set sail from Ireland are coming from several corners of the Mediterranean Sea to gather in international waters to deliver some 5,000 tons of building and medical supplies to the population under siege in Gaza in what a statement called the “biggest internationally coordinated effort to directly challenge Israeli’s ongoing occupation, aggression, and violence against the Palestinian people.”

Over 600 pro-Palestinian activists from over 40 countries aboard nine ships, coming from the UK, Sweden, Greece, Turkey, and an Algerian cargo ship joining in as well, funded by the Algerian peace movement, all set to meet at Greece, then setting out to attempt and break the siege imposed on Gaza by Israel, which has deprived 1.5 million Palestinians of fuel, food, and other basic necessities.

The Free Gaza Movement has sailed eight missions to Gaza in the past three years, five of them successful. The last three were violently stopped by the Israeli Navy; the boat Dignity was rammed three times and the Spirit of Humanity turned back in January 2009, then it was seized and all that was aboard was arrested.

And how does Israel’s Zionist regime respond this time?

An Israeli flotilla sets off from the shores of Herzliya as a response to the pro-Palestinian convoy with banners showing Gaza rocket fire toward Israel and photos of the captured IDF soldier Gilad Shalit. Disregarding all the crimes that were committed by the IDF against the Palestinians as if the aid convoy would suddenly change their minds after seeing something like this, as if they’re saying: “All the Gazans deserve this, they’re all terrorists, all responsible for the rockets and the capture of Gilad Shalit”.

The Israeli Government accuses the IHH and the Free Gaza Movement of “supporting terrorism” and serving Hamas; with half the Israeli Navy set to stop the mission; with two naval ships already sailing around the coastal areas of Gaza, the air force on standby and diplomatic pressure being applied. Despite the efforts of Gush Shalom calling on the Israeli Government to allow the aid convoy to reach Gaza, stating that: “The State of Israel has no interest in footage of its navy violently assaulting against peace activists at sea flooding television screens all over the world. It is time to remove the suffocating siege and allow residents of Gaza to have free contact with the outside world, freely operate sea and air ports of their own like any country in the world.

Thank you Gush Shalom!

Such a typical Zionist response from the Israeli Government, the message is quite clear: “We will stop you, and use any force necessary to achieve so” , which shows nothing but how weak the position of Israel is internationally regarding the plight of the Palestinians, I think the World, especially the Jewish people should now start to realize how Nazi-like the Zionist regime has become, and how many of the oppressed have become the oppressors, and just like the World stopped Nazism and the apartheid in South Africa, it should stop Zionism. Let’s help stop another Holocaust from happening, let’s end the ethnic cleansing process and the brutality that’s being shown to Palestinians to help avert another genocide.

Viva Palestine!

from Ma'an News Agency

Bethlehem - Ma'an - The second ship to join the Freedom Flotilla en route to Gaza left Istanbul Saturday afternoon, joining eight other boats from three countries carrying 10,000 tons of aid for Gaza's residents, supplies embargoed by Israel.

A statement issued by the Freedom Flotilla's organizers said the latest ship to set sail is sponsored by the Turkish humanitarian organization, Insani Yardim Vakfi (IHH), and will carry 600 passengers to Gaza as part of the "blockade busting" flotilla.

Boats will meet in the Mediterranean, then turn toward Gaza to arrive at its beseiged slice of beachfront by the end of May. Free Gaza Movement’s MV Rachel Corrie is already en route from Ireland and is presently off the coast of Portugal loaded with cement, paper and supplies for school children and medical equipment, the statement said.

John Ging, Head of United Nation's Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA) in the Gaza Strip, said, “We recommend the world send ships to the shores of Gaza, and we believe that Israel would not stop these vessels because the sea is open, and many human rights organizations have been successful in previous similar steps, and proved that breaking the siege on Gaza is possible.”

Earlier Saturday morning, a convoy of Israel boats set sail off the Herziliya coast near Tel Aviv, launching an opposing flotilla displaying large banners of Iran and Turkey and photos of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad with equals signs between them. Other posters say Hamas with bloody handprints on them, the street journalism news site Demotix reported.



Three ships carrying pro-Palestinian activists have set off from Turkey to Gaza on Saturday, as part of the nine-ship 'Freedom Flotilla' convoy, a large attempt by international aid groups to breach the Israeli blockade of Gaza.

Meanwhile, an Israeli flotilla has set off from shores of Herzliya as a response to the pro-Palestinian convoy. The banners the Israeli ships carried noted Gazarocket fire toward Israel and displayed photos of captured IDF soldier Gilad Shalit.

The three ships that set off from Turkey are due to reach Greece, where they will join the other six before heading to Gaza, despite warnings from Israel and instructions from Defense Minister Ehud Barak to the Israeli Navy to intercept the convoy at the Gaza shore.

The organization of Gush Shalom has called on the Israeli government to allow the aid convoy to reach Gaza.

"The State of Israel has no interest in footage of its navy violently assaulting against peace activists at sea flooding television screens all over the world. It is time to remove the suffocating siege and allow residents of Gaza to have free contact with the outside world, freely operate sea and air ports of their own like any country in the world," read a statement by Gush Shalom.


from; The Middle East Blog

Ten thousand tons of cargo, 800 passengers, 50 nationalities, nine vessels - one aim - to break the siege on Gaza.

That's the simple math behind the Freedom Flotilla as its lead vessel was unveiled on Saturday in Istanbul.

At a rally held to bid the ship farewell, organisers challenged Israel's insistence that its navy would not allow this convoy, of much needed humanitarian aid, to reach the Gaza Strip.

As one organiser put it to me: "These ships will only return empty of their cargo, and with the footprints from Gaza's sand".

And from what I've seen from the organisers and supporters, I am inclined to believe her.

There are more than 20 charities partaking in one way or another in this flotilla -activists, humanitarians, politicians from the USA to Indonesia. If Israel were to prevent these people from entering or if it were to harm or detain them, Israeli authorities could very well find themselves embroiled in diplomatic disputes with up to 50 countries.

Furthermore, the sheer resolve and work put in by the organisers of this fleet - over a period spanning back to 2008 - really does make it difficult to believe that they would just turn back to where they came from without reaching their desired destination. Aside from the 10,000 tons of aid, organisers say they're taking up to two months worth of food and supplies for those on board - in case that's how long it takes for Israel to allow them access.

That's 800 people, willing to spend two months at sea, away from their friends, families, and livelihood, so they can deliver aid to people they don't even know.

From Israel's perspective though, it is understandable why it shouldn't allow this humanitarian convoy reach Gaza. Doing so could dramatically change the status quo. For starters, it severely questions Israel's continued and illegal occupation of the Gaza Strip, bringing to light that whilst Israeli troops may have left Gaza, they still control the territory's, air, land and sea entry points - all but suffocating the coastal territory.

Moreover, if this fleet of humanitarians does reach its destination, it could very well set a precedent for others to challenge Israel's illegal occupation, and the next thing you know Israel's navy could be confronted by an armada of charities and humanitarian organisations.

Furthermore, were the Freedom Flotilla to dock in Gaza, Arab governments would be severely embarrassed. After all, if a few hundred people can break the siege and help rebuild Gaza, why can't some of the wealthiest nations and largest armies?

Ultimately Israel is faced with two questions: does it continue its policy of collective punishment and prevent the flotilla from entering Gaza until Gazans succumb to Israeli demands? Or does it allow the aid to enter and attempt to demonstrate to the world that Israel does in fact respect human rights?

Unfortunately neither of these options bode well for the Israelis, option one for the obvious public outcry that will spill out as a result of 800 people stranded in the water. And although option two would be smarter from a public relations perspective, it would be an indirect admission by Israel that its policy of collective punishment and continued siege is flawed, not to mention illegal.

It seems Israel only has a few days left before it is to make up its mind on what could be one of its toughest tests yet. And it is posing these questions that make the Freedom Flotilla so significant.
Saturday, May 22, 2010

Saturday oh Saturday

Today alone, I've written 3 posts!
And this is my fourth one.

Writing is addictive.
Now I am in my 5 weeks of study leave.
What does that mean?
It means, I have absolutely NO CLASS for the next 5 weeks!
I only have to focus on my study before the end of semester exam starts at the end of June.
And come to IMU few times a week to practice my clinical skills.

It's gonna be a real challenge for me to focus on my books at home, putting the internet, the fridge and the television aside.
Anyway, I gotta sleep now.
It's getting late.

*I miss my friend. No news pun..... = ( *


Saturday 22nd May 2010

Personality Disorders

I don't know why but I just feel like reading more on personality disorders, and write about it here. So, please bear with me. Hahah....

I met a lot of new people and sometimes I have a feeling some of these people might have some personality disorder.
And sometimes I doubt if they are the abnormal ones or is it me?

Personality disorders are defined as "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behaviour that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it".
Blerghh.. I know, the definition is "too English". I need to read it a lot of times before I understand what it's trying to say. In other words, if you're behaving out of the expectation of your own people, then you have a personality disorder. Hah...that's easier. Well, this is the definition given by American Psychiatry Assc (APA). You can choose not to believe. I'd prefer not to stick to this one definition. Prophet Muhammad SAW acted out of the expectations of the culture of his people at that time. His uncles accused him of crazy for saying there's only one God and when he asked his people to stop praying to the idols, they even tried to kill him! So yeah, just because there is the "American" word in front, don't believe it w/out judgement. Let me remind you, they're almost always wrong. =P

Some of the classified personality disorders are:
1. Histrionic Personality Disorder
2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
3. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
4. Antisocial Personality Disorder

Histrionic Personality Disorders

Individuals with histrionic personality disorder exhibit excessive emotionalism. They tend to regard things in an emotional manner, and they are attention seekers.

They are uncomfortable or feel unappreciated when they are not the centre of attention.

They may constantly seek for approval or attention, striking self-centredness or sexual seductiveness in inappropriate situations.
They may be lively and dramatic and initially charm new acquaintances by their enthusiasm, apparent openness or flirtatiousness. They use physical appearance to draw attention to themselves. Their emotional expression may be shallow and change rapidly while their style of speech is excessively impressionistic but lacking in detail.

They may do well with jobs that require imagination and creativity but will do poorly in tasks that demand logical or analytical thinking. This disorder occurs more frequently in women.

They might be provocative or seductive.
They consider relationships more intimate than they are.
They are influenced easily.
They can be successful socially and professionally.
They usually have good social skills but tend to use these skills to manipulate other people and become the centre of attention.
They lack genuine empathy.
They often fail to see their own personal situation realistically, but tends to dramatise and exaggerate their difficulties.
They are excessively sensitive to criticism and disapproval.
They blame their failure or disappointment to others.

Narcissistic Personality disorder

Narcissistic people are frequently perfectionists and need to be the centre of attention, receiving affection and admiration, and controlling the situation.

He may create crises that return the focus of attention to him. And he always feel that the world owes him, regardless of whether he makes a contribution.
They make react to criticism with anger, shame or humiliation.
They take advantage to reach their goals.< They exaggerate their importance They exaggerate their achievements and talents. They have unrealistic fantasies about success, power, beauty, intelligence or romance. They have unreasonable expectation of how they want people to treat them. They requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others. They are easily jealous. They lack empathy and always disregard the feeling of others. They pursue many selfish goals. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

People with OCPD are preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organisation and schedules.

They are very rigid and inflexible in their beliefs; showing perfectionism, excessive focus on being productive with time; being very conscientious; having inflexible morality, hoarding items that may no longer have value; and very reluctant to trust work assignment or task to someone else for fear that their standards will not be met.

Some of them are obsessive of cleanliness but some will neglect cleanliness to finish the "more important" priorities. As an example, Z may have a quite messy and unorganised home because he needs to score good grades or finish a project. But once he finished other activities, he will start becoming very obsessive of cleanliness.

Personal and social relationship are usually seriously strained because they want to be in charge and believe only them know what's right.
They may spend considerable time putting everything in precisely the right place in precisely the right manner.
They may be anxious about potential harm in their lives and will response by hoarding money. They may minimise their daily expenses and seen as stingy by other people.

For them, actions and beliefs are either completely right or absolutely wrong.
They usually have negative outlook on life with underlying depression. They may even consider suicide when depression becomes serious.

Sometimes frustation may lead them to show overly anger or even violence.
When anxious or excited, the may grimace or make noises or do impulsive and unpredictable things.

Antisocial Personality Disorder

There may be:

- Persistent lying or stealing
- Apparent lack of remorse or empathy for others.
- Cruelty to animals
- Poor behavioral controls
- expression of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression and verbal abuse; there will be inadequate control of anger and temper.
- Repeated difficulties with the law
- Tendency to violate the boundaries and rights of others.
- Substance abuse
- Aggresive and violent, and is prone to getting involved in fights.
- Inability to tolerate boredom
- Diregard for safety.
- Lack of stability in job and human life
- Superficial wit and charm
-Recklessness, compulsive

This disorder will only be diagnosed in patients more than 18 years old.
The severity may vary, and the more harmful and dangerous behaviors are referred as sociopathic or psychopathic

They may seem charming but are likely to be irritable, aggressive and irresponsible. They may even attempt suicide.
They are very manipulative thus, it's difficult to differentiate whether what they say about themselves is true or not.



I can only write about 4 personality disorders.
There are a lot more but I cant afford the time to read and write about it.

I think there are a lot of these symptoms present in me.
But a lot do not too.
Any of these symptoms fit you?
I see a lot of these symptoms in the people around me.
But I don't think there is a category where any of them fit perfectly in.

It's amazing that we always try see things in people.
We (or perhaps just me) always try to analyse people, see what kind of person he or she is, whether he or she is trustworthy, whether he or she has only superficial kindness, or whether he or she has hidden agenda.
But most of the time, we failed to see what's in ourselves.
If we have any hidden agenda, if we possess only superficial kindness and beauty, or we are actually trustworthy.

Some of the people I know always emphasise on certain points but, they themselves failed to live up to that points.
Some of them tried to plant thoughts in people's minds about them, but when investigated, they are not actually like that.
Some will tell other people what kind of people he or she is, without realising that that is only an imagination of the kind of people he or she wants to be, not what he or she really is.

Some people I know, are very good to people in general.
But towards the people who love them, or they love, they didn't treat them as nice.
Weird huh?

And me here, talking about the people around me.
Hahah.. I wonder if someone will come to me one day, and say "Akmar, I think you're a narcissist (or histrionic, or obsessively compulsive)!" right on my face.


Saturday 22nd May 2010

It's Normal, until It's Gone


"We never realise some things are good, until we lost them"

It's true isn't it?

I've nvr paid attention to my spectacles, until I accidentally broke it off.
And when I need to buy a new one, I realised I like mine the best.
Of the hundreds designs of spectacles, none grabbed my attention.
And at last I gotta settle for the one that look almost exactly like my old spectacles, just without the colourful designs on the side.

Why are people like that?
We always do not appreciate the things we own, the people around us, until they're gone, until they leave us.
Silly right?

Regardless of how many reminders we received, to love and appreciate the people around us, the things we own and the life we're having, humans tend to forget, once in a while.

Then, we regret.


Saturday 22nd May 2010

VPM Charity Bazar

Yes, as I promised,  I'll write about the charity bazar I went last 2 weeks, on 8th and 9th May.
The bazar was held in Bangsar Shopping Centre (BSC) and was organised by Viva Palestina Malaysia.
And I actually volunteered myself to help out in the bazar.
Together with my friend, Diana Rizal who was just liberated from her first semester exam... :P
And the person who led to my involvement was Mr Allan, my former Chemistry lecturer, introducing me to VPM or COMPLETE as it was once known as.

That was my first time going to BSC and I was supposed to reach there at 8.30am. I started my journey almost one hour earlier, hoping I won't get lost. Alhamdulillah, the course was very clear and easy and I reached BSC in less than 30 mins! Wow... Even going to IMU in a heavy traffic will take me more than 40mins! 

When I walked into BSC, no one was there and I sort of got lost in the complex, until I met Mr Allan, who introduced me to his fellow colleagues in VPM. While helping out in arranging the food to be sold, I noticed that there are really lots of food and I'm very amazed by the teamwork displayed by everyone. 

The food were all donated by some ladies to VPM to be sold and the profit will be used to help out the Palestinians in Gaza (do you know that Gaza is STILL the biggest "prison" on earth?") and for VPM to organise awareness campaigns so that more and more people will know the cruelty of the Zionist. There were altogether 4 floors where various booths were put up. And lucky me, I was assigned to man the toys booth! With Diana! Hahah... *I like!*

The lowest floor were where all the clothes, handbags and shoes were. The two successive floors were for food, books and some cookware. While on the uppermost floor was the most interesting one (apart from the food, of course), the children's section! Since I man the toys booth in the children's section, I'll talk more of the happenings there. :)

The toys and childen's clothes sold in the booth I'm in charge of were all donated by all those generous people out there. There were soft toys of various sizes and guess what, the price was RM7 and lower! Yes, the most expensive is RM7 only and some of the toys were huge and was really expensive ones. Imagine, a RUSS bear for only RM7?! Mine was RM59.90! 

And yes, that Pooh I'm hugging was only RM7. My mum's lucky that my room isn't big so I can't possibly add another huge soft toy to put in my room. 

There were also children's clothes and most of it are for little babies less than a year old. Oh my, how I wished I have a brother or sister that small. Even my cousins are too big for that. And guess what? It was sold for only RM4 one piece! And they are all branded ones, Poney, Anakku and even GAP! Babies grow out of their clothes very fast and so the clothes are barely stained, some even looked very new... 

 One of the best thing was, right next to the toys booth was a booth for books! And it was managed by our very own Sis Zabrina A. Bakar, the writer of Life is An Open Secret books. Honestly I didn't know she was the writer until another lady from the stall asked Diana if she wants to get the signature of the author for her newly bought book. And I was shocked. She was a very friendly lady, generous of smiles and funny too. 

And seriously, there were lots of interesting books sold there! And I always find my leg walking towards the stall and my fingers started browsing thru the books without my permission. Aissh... 

There were children's story books, colouring books and lots of novels and non-fictions as well. Most of them are second-hand ones but hey, I really don't mind reading second hand books! I've gotten too accustomed with public library books. 

Not only books and toys, there were also sand art section. That usual game for little kids where they were supposed to put on coloured sand on the sticker picture they bought, and make it as interesting as they can! It's been years since the last time I tried one of it and I've nvr had the imagination to play with it again until......she planted that thought into my mind! But as I didn't have much time to do it on the first day, I decided to do it on the next day, Sunday.

There were also colouring and drawing competition. Luckily drawing comes second after one of the things I cant do; changing my car tyre. Or else, I'll be there at the drawing contest section playing with crayons and water colour. :P

Not only that, there was a balloon man! (I noticed the child in me was trying very hard to get out of me that weekend, and it's very very hard to control her. Blergh,  I dont think I really did try to control her. Heh...) I managed to get a flower balloon bracelet from the uncle. *wink*  Duh, I wish to wear those 

balloons on the head like these boys. 

Me and Diana didn't really take care of the money on the first day hence I do not know how much did we make on the first day. Our job was to fold back all the clothes which the customers accidentally messed up while choosing the ones they want. But we were fully in charge of the money for the second day and my, I'm glad we sold quite a lot of soft toys and babies clothes! 

What else should I talk about that memorable weekend?
Oh, let's talk bit about food.
There were some food by the Palestinian Embassy, apart from the delicacies donated by generous Malaysians. We finished our shift at the toy booth at 1.30pm, so we missed most of the delicacies, they were sold out! :( 
Nvm-lah, that shows just how good the sale were, for some of the booths. :)

What Have I Got For Myself?

Hurm I think this is a compulsory heading. Me, sitting at a toy booth, next to a bookstall for more than 5 hours for two consecutive days, it's gonna be a miracle if  I managed not to buy anything! =p

Toyss....  Yeaaaaa... I got myself two soft toys. A small bear for my study desk and another one for my car. And yes, I gave him (yes, it's a him) a birthdate! 

And books? Hahah.. I bought like 5 or 6 books! The most expensive was only RM7. My my, I'm preparing the books to be read during my semester break...hahah..  

All of the books I bought were second hand ones and they're all still nice and interesting. And imagine, I bought a Sophie Kinsella book for only RM5. Plus some other books!

Jealous? Hahah... =p

Hurm, I think that's all I can write about the wonderful weekend I spent in BSC. I spent more than 2 hrs here I think. And oh yea! I met new acquaintance, her name is Claire. She was in charge of the toy booth as well. Together with her friend, and her friend's daughter Tyra. They are all nice people.. =)

To read the more official write up on the event, click here. =)
I really hope more of this event can be organised. Duh, I know the organisers behind this event will be very2 tired while I enjoyed my time over there.  

Ya Allah ya Rabb, please send your deadly punishment to those Zionists out there, for killing Palestinians heartlessly, murdering the children, women and elderly inhumanely

With this, adios!


Words of Thoughts

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man wishing he could talk softly to her ear... While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND and INSULT her, there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there's a man wishing he could love her openly. While you make your woman CRY, there's a man stealing smiles from her. 

I started my post today with the status I found in Facebook in support of stopping domestic violence. I don't know why, but I like this statement. Even if it may not help in stopping domestic violence (I really don't think those wife beaters read this kind of statements and repented) but it brightened my jolly good mood. I think I like it because it has got something to do with appreciation. I hv been having slight problem with appreciation lately.

I woke up early today (Friday 20th May), and started my day in not a so bright mood. Barely eat breakfast, and I drove to IMU. And wow, the parking area was very very empty! I get to choose my favourite parking space and as I walk to the library, my mood went from dull to a jolly-good one. I reached the library smiling to myself and to almost everyone.

The exam started off with OBA, which I think is the easiest paper of that day, compared to the other 3 where I believed I didn't do well. = (

After the exam, I went for a free lunch with Diana, haha thanks Diana! I saved like RM4 for my lunch. After zuhur prayer and fetching my brother, I went to Immigration Dept to renew my passport. My, their service was very good, and fast too! The officers were friendly, totally unlike other government services who treated you as if you owe them your life, and I left the dept less than 2 hrs later with my new passport! =)

Then I went to Mines Shopping Fair to buy a new pair of specs as I broke my old one = (
And then I realised, we only know something is good when we lose them.
Ok, I think I will want to write a separate post on this.

And at night, my mood was made even brighter by chatting with my INTEC housemate in Manchester! Fatin had just finished her first year of Architecture and she's coming back to Malaysia in mid June! And we catched up with each other on a lot of stuff. My, I really miss her. And those time we spent in INTEC. It was so fun, and protected at that time. Life was restricted then, but hey that makes life easier! We don't have to judge what's good and what's wrong. Hahaha...
I also get to disturb my senior in Cardiff for a while. But only or a while, he's sitting for his exam and I know better not to distract ppl studying hard.



Thursday, May 20, 2010

Exam Eve

Yes, tomorrow is my summative.
It'll test how much have I studied for the past 10 weeks; 4 weeks of Haematology System and 6 weeks of Gastrointestinal System.

And I think I have the pathogenesis of all the leukemias jumbled up in my head now.
And I've just realised I don't remember a thing on Hairy Cell Leukemia *the picture of lymph nodes with lots of hair growing on it  flashed into my mind... eeww...*.

And GI?
Lots of ulcers and cancers to remember!
Liver failure, cirrhosis, portal hypertension *eyes rolling*

It's funny that I'm supposed to sit in the exam hall at 9.30am tomorrow but now, slightly more than 12 hours before the exam commencement, I am writing a new post in my blog.
Frankly, I don't know what to read anymore.
Saturation point is reached, but certainly not the same case for satisfaction level!
I read almost everything but there's no way I can test how much have I managed to really put in my brain, and how much have I "leaked out" of my brain.

And tomorrow, the plan after summative.
There are REALLY lots of things to do.
I want to spend time with people I'm close to.
At the same time I also want to go for an outing with Dina and Sarah (grrr, it's vry hard to find a suitable time to go with them).
And I need to bring my brother to JPN to take his IC and at the same time to Immigration Dept to renew my passport.
And shop for my new spectacles (fyi, I've just broke my specs which I bought end of last year).
And visit Chinese Muslim Trade Exhibition in Mines which ends at 5pm.
And then, my PBL mates invited for an outing to Sunway for a movie!

Aiseyyh.. So many clashes...
I feel like sleeping very early tonight.
I need to wake up with a very good mood tomorrow.
I need to embrace the day with positivity and full of spirit.
And please, I hope there won't be anything that might spoil my day tomorrow.
But if there is, please remind me, "Allah does not burden His slave witth more than what he/she can handle".

And with this, adios!


20th May 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010

Quote II

You do your best. Let God do the rest.


Saturday 15th May 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010

Remind Thyself

1. I always need to remind myself, "Do not make any decision when you are angry, or sad. Let things settle down first... Compose yourself first....... Cool down.. Do something else, distract yourself.... Don't think about it.... "

2. I've just spent 35mins on phone with my former housemate, Nurul Atikah in India... And it was a very precious one. I called while driving and so, my left hand is now vry tired (i used my right hand to hold the steering). Yeah, I know it's very bad and dangerous to call while driving but...........

3. I hvnt been having time to update my blog for the past 2 weeks (?) due to the piles of notes and books pestering me to touch and revise them. And my exam is nxt Friday! =(

4. Sometimes I wonder, why do all the problems arise very near to exams?
Why don't they come when I'm free, during the holidays maybe?
Or the beginning of the semester?
Why must they fight for my attention when my exam is just around the corner?
Then, I realised....
Nearing the exams, we (I believe this does not apply only to me) became more vulnerable, more  susceptible to problems around us when all those things do not actually bother us before, when our minds are free.
And so, we became crankier and more sensitive and irritable.

5. I've just finished watching Thomas Cup match between Lee CW (Malaysia) and Lin Dan (China). And I dislike the way the sports announcer reviewing the match. He speaks badly about Lin Dan. Why can't he just praise Lee CW without criticising Lin Dan? Why must he start saying Lin Dan is known to be an arrogant player, even his colleagues can't stand him? Why must he criticises Lin Dan's facial expression when LD thought the ball is going out of the court when it didn't at the end?
Hahah... I'm now criticising the sports announcer without even knowing who he is.
But I believe, we should never hope for the opponent's failure, but our victory instead.
We should never attack our counterpart personally, but based on professionalism instead.
To indulge in a debate, you can refute your opponent's points, but never attack him personally.

6. I want to write a post about the Palestin Charity Bazar I went to last weekend, but I hvnt had the time yet. I owe that one post. I'll write it after my exam next Friday (oohh, it wont be hot anymore)

7. This post is very unorganised, I know that. I talked a lot of unrelated topics. But they just came out of my mind. I'm merely channelling it here. =)

Because life is a test.


Friday 14 May 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010

We Almost Lost Him


Last weekend, as the month of May commences, my youngest brother had mild fever.

He had been having intermittent fever for the past one week, almost the same time I fell sick. However, his condition worsens on Sunday. He was very weak, but can still walk around the house, and even switched the computer on to play online game!

Then, he started sleeping from evening till night. Earlier in the morning, my mum brought him to the Emergency Department in Hosp Kajang because all other government clinics were closed (remember, it's Sunday). The doctor gave him a dengue surveillance card, pointing out that his platelet count was still within the normal range and so it was not dengue, just yet. The same day, at night, he was still very weak and so my mother decided to bring him back to the Emergency Department, and I encouraged it. Everybody will be sleeping at night, no one will realise if anything bad happen to my brother.

At around 11.30pm, my mother went out to the hospital with him.
I stayed back at home, sleeping.
Later, my mum called to inform me that my brother had a very low blood pressure but with a very high pulse rate.

One of the doctor "teased" my mum for bringing him back to the hospital too early, usually patients should only come back 24 hrs after the first visit.

Apparently (this is the story I got from my brother, parents and the history written on his medical report), my brother came in as a grade 2 green case emergency. Usually, emergency case is graded green, yellow and red. And he was in Green II. 1 hour later, he had a supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) or basically, it means his heart went haywire, contracting out of the normal rhythm due to abnormal electric conduction in his heart. His case went from Green II to Yellow then to Red.

My parents left him in the emergency room earlier, before he was attacked by an SVT, after which, my parents received a call from the hospital asking them to come. The attending doctor gave him a lot of anti-arrhythmic drugs (amiodarone, digoxin and adenosine) within the one hour. Basically, he had a cocktail of strong anti-arrhythmic drugs pumped into his 14 year old thin body in just one hour. According to him, he had 3 attacks that night. And when the drug was pumped into him, he felt his heart stopped for a while, he went unconscious for a second and then came back to life (this was his description).

When my parents arrived the A&;E dept the second time, after receiving a call from the hospital, he was already on ECG, with nasal oxygen tube and IV drip on him. I think that panicked my father off. He was then admitted to the Coronary Care Unit (CCU).

The next morning, I woke up like normal, to hear my father telling me that my brother was admitted and he had wires on his chest. And my mother was still in the hospital taking care of him. I was shocked and worried and thus drove to the hospital to see him and at the same time send the car to my mum. My brother looked very okay when I met him that morning, he was talking and moving like normal, despite the cardiac monitor attached to his chest, IV drip, dextrose and nasal oxygen tube attached all over him. Really, the sight terrified me.

The doctors did not know what happened to him that night, why did his heart went out of control.

And according to the doctor, had he not been brought to the emergency that night, and if he had those attacks at home, while of us were sleeping soundly, not realising anything happening to him, his heart could have failed. His heart may not be able to meet his body demand. And, it might had been too late once we discover him the next morning, Naudzubillah...

And now, I really feel like teasing back the doctor who teased my mum earlier for bringing my brother to the hospital "too early".

I thank God very very much for saving my brother's life

We almost lose him.
Thank you God.

As for now, he had been discharged after 5 days in the hospital.

I'm pretty sure as a boy he was very very bored in the hospital.
I went to the hospital everyday to visit and talk to him. Each time I had to leave him to go back home, my heart aches because he'll be left alone in the ward, knowing nobody there.

But thank God again, he's at home now. =)


7th May 2010


I looked at my time table this morning.
Then, I realised.
Oh! Exam is in 2 weeks time!!!
What more can I ask for?
Monday, May 3, 2010

He is Enough for Me

In MUET (Malaysian University English Test) speaking component, examinees will be given a topic and they're supposed to discuss on the topic, in a group.

For my exam, my topic was something like, where should we go to when we're in trouble. And I was supposed to answer "parents" (yeah, the question will give you the answer, you should just construct your own words and play along. Other examinees will get different answers, that was how the exam goes) 

The reason I gave was parents are definitely older than us and so, they know more things than we know, most of the time more than what we think they know. And so, going to them for moral support is very recommended because chances are, they went through this problem we're having in early 20s. 

I also said that going to peers are not well recommended, for the fact that peers are as inexperienced as we are. Peers might be having just the same problem we are having. In Malay language, there's a proverb, "bagai ketam mengajar anaknya berjalan lurus". Literally translated, it means "like a crab teaching it's kids(?) to walk straight". My own created English proverb: "A monkey teaching another monkey how to cook using a microwave oven".

That is precisely the reason why I am very grateful for my family. A very supportive parents, whom I know I can always fall back on when anything goes wrong. My mum said that's one of the reason I always do things blatantly, because I know I can fall back on them, morally. And I am pretty sure some if not many of us have a supportive family, I hope so.

But, what if the problem does not only inflict us as an individual?
What if it inflicted the whole family?
Say, the sickness of a family member, or worse, the death of a family member.

At that point, every member of that family has their own grief to attend to, despite having to be supportive to each other.
At this point, family members cannot afford to fall back onto their family for moral support, each and every one of them needs something to fall back on, no energy to support someone else.

Wanna hope for non family members?
Slim chance there will be anyone, unless you're blessed with caring, patient friends.  =)

"HasbiAllahu laa ilaaha illaa Huwa 'alayhi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul Arshil Adheem"

please please please read all the meanings in this post. they are very beautiful. I know some readers will tend to scroll down but, believe me, these meanings are worth reading, and knowing. And they really are not many of them. =)

Allah is sufficient for me. 
There is none worthy of worship but Him.
I have placed my trust in Him. He is Lord of the Majestic Throne

And so, feel free to fall back on Him.
For He is always near to us. What we need to do is just pray to Him. Just pray to Him.

He promised, he'll be there for us.

"When My servant ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me; let them also, with a will, listen to My call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way" [2;186]"

He promised! Yes, He promised!

And there's another promise, we will not be burdened more than what we can bear.
We will only be tested with bearable tests, those within our capabilities.

"Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability" [2;286]

****A strong reminder to myself, and to friends out there. He promised, He'll be there for us. Any other being in this world can promise that? To be there whenever you need them? To be ready to listen to any of your cries? And to really really be there when you need them? ****

Sincerely from, 

Monday 3rd May 2010