Breaking the Silence: A Return to Writing and a Cry for Humanity

Assalammualaikum. It has been two long years since I last poured my thoughts onto this blog. Life happened, as it often does, and amidst the chaos and routine, my writing took a back seat. 

There's an undeniable pressure when you've been away for so long. You want the first words after a hiatus to be profound, impactful, and meaningful. Yet, the more I dwelled on this desire for a perfect return, the harder it became to take that initial step to start writing once again. 

Hence I decided to just start and if there's one topic that deserves an immediate voice, it's the haunting atrocities and genocide being committed against the Palestinians. In the year 2023, it's disheartening that such acts persist while the world watches in silence. 

I am baffled at how, in an era where even the smallest mistakes can go viral and result in swift consequences, a whole ethnic group is being subjected to violence without the intervention of the so-called world police. It just shouldn’t happen. 

Some people say the Palestinians were born in the wrong land and into the wrong ethnic. I strongly disagree. Their resilience and determination to defend their homeland, even in the face of unspeakable atrocities, make them the most fitting inhabitants for that sacred soil. They are the chosen people. Not all of us possess the strength to endure such trials, let alone stand up against them. 

I can't imagine how the doctors, nurses and paramedics can still work, when their mother, father, children, brothers, sisters, cousins, second cousins, bestfriends are dying front, behind, left and right. I can't help but reflect on my own experiences in the COVID ICU, realizing how challenging it would be if my loved ones were at risk. If I were in their shoes, facing the threat of COVID in my own family while working in the ICU, I doubt I could maintain focus. Yet, these heroes continue to save lives, fully aware that the next patient coming through their door could be their own flesh and blood. 

My connection to the plight of the Palestinians goes back to my A-Level days. Over the years, I became less vocal about it, perhaps thinking that feeling for them in my heart was enough. I find myself slightly embarrassed now, realising the importance of using my voice, no matter how small, to speak up for those who can't. Watching videos of their suffering brings me to tears, and often, I can't even finish watching. The sense of helplessness and hopelessness creeps in. 

I dare not even pray to be there with them even as a medical doctor because I am not even confident of my own capability in such troubled times. I am so used to “modern and equipped medicine” that I am not sure if I can function well there. 

I've long procrastinated educating my Facebook friends on the Palestinian cause, grappling with the first sentence. My Facebook friends are made of many races and religions and I feel I can make bigger impact there than in my Instagram. But the first step is truly challenging. I need to really sit down and think of my sentences. 

Thank you for reading, and here's to breaking the silence. 

Until next time. 

-Because life is a test- 

-AkMaR- 

 http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Preparing For A New Home

Assalammualaikum!

Source: [Instagram]

So I mentioned I will be moving back to KL soon.

And I have found a house, well it is my mother's other house to be exact, and it is in the same housing area as my mum's so yeah, dduk balik almost bawah ketiak mak. 

Anyway, I have been imagining having my own house and being able to decorate it with love and passion and whatever, and now I get to do it! Akmal and I already own a house but we can't stay there yet because we have our own jobs and they are not in the state we are in so long story cut short, I can't really decorate that house because we are not going to stay there yet. 

I've also not been able to decorate this house nor my previous house in Putrajaya because well, they are rented and I don't feel stable enough to decorate them, as we might move out anytime. 

So this time, it is almost perfect 💓

It's my mum's house, which means I can do whatever I want, the house might be handed to me anyway and we'll be staying there for at least 4 years (that's the minimum time for a Masters programme). 

All I can think about now is how to decorate the house. 

I am thinking of the colours of the wall, should I install wainscoting and if I do, do I want to do it myself or hire someone to do them? I also want an accent wall but that's a bit too much to DIY, but a bit too extravagant to hire an interior deco.

Accent Wall: [Source]

Wainscoting: [Source: Facebook Hafis Ishak]

Master Bedroom | I am thinking of putting an accent wall on my bedhead, but I wonder if it will make the already small room looks even smaller. I want a King-sized bed, which might make the room even smaller. I already worry if there will be space for us to pray in the room. I already own a 8x8' wardrobe, and I wish I have the money to buy a new, more modern looking dressing table.  

Kitchen | The previous owner already built a kitchen top without the shelves, but they are green. Algae green, not emerald green. And I don't like it. Even the floor tiles are the pale green colour. It cost too much for me to overhaul the cabinet and the floor so I plan to put on some wallpaper to the kitchen top and live with the green tiles. Sew or hire someone to sew a curtain for the exposed kitchen cabinet. I also want to paint one of the kitchen wall emerald green, making it a feature wall and make the kitchen brighter. 

Living Room | We are buying a new sofa yes! I want to make our living room blue + white so I really hope we can find a sofa that suits both our budget and my theme. I wish to buy a new TV console too, this time with a drawer so that we can chuck things inside and make the living room looks more tidy. 

Dining Area | There is a small dining area in between the kitchen and the living room, but it is right in front of the toilet door. I hope I can decorate this area to look modern and chic and minimalist. We already have a big glass dining table, but no suitable dining chairs. One dining chair cost at least RM200 so if I want to buy 6 chairs, that is RM1200 there already. 

What I should be Doing Now

Not waste my time on trivial matters. 

I really should start writing them down; my budget, the paint codes, the designs I want etc, instead of just having them in my mind, abstract. 

Maybe this is the best time to resuscitate my dead BuJo.

I shall name it "Project Home" 😁

'til then,

-Because Life is A Test-

My Blogging Journey

Assalammualaikum.
Hye lovelies.

I started blogging around November 2007, when I was in A-Levels.
At that time blogging was just becoming a trend and I was excited to join the whole shebang.
I used the INTEC computer library a lot at that time, the computers were new and fast, the environment was nice - they were all good times.

At first, I intended for the blog to be a space I write about my day, my thoughts and interests; an online diary of some sort. I didn't even announce my blog to any of my family or friends (I didn't know how to, even. Remember, there was no FB / Ig/ Twitter yet).

My first reader was perhaps Raymond Tan, my high school friend.
At that time he was my go-to man for any computer or IT problems.
There were no comments on my blog posts, and I don't even know if people read my blog and I didn't mind.

I literally filled my blog with how my day goes - where I went and what I did.
I wrote about boys, my break-up, and my exams; oblivious to who might be reading them.
Then suddenly, Zulhilmi Bobby, an INTEC-mate commented on one of my blog posts.
That came as a surprise, I didn't know how he stumbled upon my blog.
Then I realised perhaps some people do read my blog. And I started became wary of my too-private contents.

Blog Walking

Soon I discovered blog walking, I frequently hit the "Next Blog" button on the Blogger top navigation bar but I was always directed to weird business, foreign, finances blog.

So I started to Google "Malaysian Bloggers" and stumbled upon blogs which direct me to other blogs and I became so addicted to it, to reading people's blog.
But I was a silent reader, I rarely leave comments on people's blog (bad girl, ain't I?)
Hence I did not make many friends nor followers.

Some of my INTEC friends started blogging too, but they write on religious stuff and opinions while I write a useless online diary 🤣🤣

Changing So Many URLs

Over the years, I perhaps had more than 5 blog addresses, I used both Blogger.com and Wordpress.com.

There was always something not right or downright annoying with my URL; they're either too much information (name combined with my birth month and year), too boring or even too complicated (try saying ineffable divine serenity in one go).

I learned how to import blogs, tweak simple layouts and a little bit of HTML.
I also created a blog for study, another blog dedicated to medical student ramblings, many other blogs for some other topics but they all did not last long.

It continued throughout my medical school years in Malaysia and in the UK.
It was so easy to blog then, I didn't much else things to do.

Housemanship Challenge

Then I started my housemanship in 2016.
That was when I really slowed down in blogging.
I really wanted to blog about my challenges, my hardships and things I observe during training but all I can do during my once-a-week off days were just sleep, sleep and sleep.
And it sort of died down even when I started my MO-ship, what more with the early stages here when I didn't have access to the internet pun.

Now, I am starting to regain my passion for blogging and I hope I can keep it up.
Heck, I even spent money on a new Blogger theme.

So stay tuned!

-Akmar-

~Because life is a test~

Hello, Blog

Assalammualaikum.
Hola hola hola!

I have again changed my blog design, giving it a facelift but this time it's different.
This is the first time I actually spent money on my blog design.
I used to only use free templates from Gooyabi Templates or Sora Templates but I got so inspired after reading this one blogger's blogging tip that I decided to buy a blogger template from Etsy.com.
This template is called Livvy and it cost me RM67!
I still have some issues with the template designs and are still waiting for Eve to reply to my messages on Etsy.

What I Tweaked Myself

The font size - the default font size for this template was very small, I couldn't get my eyes used to it.  I really need read-able font sizes to read comfortably and that means if other people's blog has small font, it really turns me off.

The widget title font - Eve used the Playfair Display font but she made it all lowercase. It gave me a feeling of unprofessionalism. For now, I simply changed it to normal format but I might change the whole font-style later, I get bored pretty easily.

May This Last

I hope I will use this theme for a long time, which is more than a year.
Looking at my track record of changing blog layouts, it is really difficult to achieve.
But since I actually paid for this theme, I hope I will appreciate it more.

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Tweaked My Layout (Again)

Assalammualaikum.

Amalie Blog Template

Barely two weeks, and I have changed my blog layout again.
I dislike Carolina because it doesnt display all my posts in a page. It displays only the most recent post, and the rest are in grids.

Grids like these

I am also dissatisfied with the [Read More] fuction.
I don't like that function, it requires effort for readers to read my blog.
I'd rather read a blog which displays the whole post and I can read by scrolling down, and then able to read the next post.

For this Amalie template, I am still finding out how to remove this post footer.
It looked weird, the image in the background must have expired - hence it shows the triangle warning instead.

Getting rid of this footer soon

Still looking for ways to remove them and hope I will be satisfied with the outcome!

-Because life is a test-


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Oyen

Assalammualaikum.

Oyen

This is Oyen.
She is not mine. I don't know whose is she.
I gave her that name this morning. She is currently pregnant - I don't know how far is she in her pregnancy.

I have never been a fan of cats. I don't like cats. I am almost scared of them.
I think I can't stand holding a moving living creature. It grosses me out. Maybe that is why I cringe waktu menyiang ikan - and I rarely do.
Aisyah, my sister is worse. She can literally cry when a cat comes near her, even when the cat is 6metres away.

Oyen started coming to my house around a month ago - or perhaps I started realising her these past few weeks.
Cats have been sleeping on my porch intermittently for now. But Oyen caught my eyes because she is pregnant hence she stands out from the other cats.
I started looking out for her lately. Maybe the maternal instinct kicked in, since she is pregnant.
Akmal started it first. He considered buying catfoods during our routine grocery shopping - the price was the only thing that stopped him. Why are cat foods so expensive?!
He then gave our leftover Texas Chicken to Oyen.
Since then I started giving some of our leftovers.
Then Akmal bought a pack of cheap catfood!

Her favourite spot - in front of my sliding door

This morning I saw her again.
She was lying in front of my door. I almost stepped on her as I was going out of the house to hang my laundry.
I was actually looking for her on my porch, not realising she was really beneath my feet.

Whosever she is, I think the owner is not taking care of her much.
She looks like she yearns human touch - if that makes sense. She keeps gesek-ing herself to my shoe rack, and my grille.
She gives the single mother vibe. Like she is now on her own, pregnant, surviving for her baby and must look for a place to give birth.
My colleagues said she is testing to see if I am trustworthy - if she can actually give birth here.
OhGod. That sounds like a commitment.

Cats used to sleep on my dustpan. I think it's because the plastic dustpan is warmer than my tiled porch.
But Akmal removed the dustpan, he put it upside down now. So cats don't really have a place to sleep on now.
And I feel bad for pregnant Oyen.
So I made her this.

Box bed - for Oyen

I put some cat food in it, she ate the cat food but did not sleep in the box.
She continued sleeping in front of my glass sliding door. Perhaps she needs more time to trust that box bed.
I hope no other cat will sleep there.
And I am prepared for Oyen to give birth to little kittens there, as long as they don't shit anywhere on my porch.

'til then.


-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

New Layout Again

Assalammualaikum.
I think I get bored easily.
I spent so much time browsing through free templates and tweaking them and then decided against them.

I hope this "Carolina" template will last me long.
But I hate the slider. How can I remove the slider on top?
I've Googled and tried almost all methods, non worked.

Ok, let's sleep.
I am in ICU now, oncall.
Pray hard not to get any referral tonight!


-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Haksss..
This cracks me.

I posted it to my family WhatsApp group with the caption "My Future"

And my brothers replied:

Chye: Oh no, *throws Apple away
Wasil: #boycottapple and #boycottappleproduct

Lulz.
Just a short one today.

Gotta study and then, prepare dinner!
And I hate the "Shift" button on this keyboard. It's so user-unfriendly.


-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

ASUS ZenBook UX33FN

Assalammualaikum.
So I talked about how my 2-year-old Macbook Air failed me and how much it will cost to repair it.

And I really needed a laptop to help me with my study, and so with mama's help - I bought a new laptop!
Yes, I really wish I could by the new Macbook Air 2019, but it will cost close to RM7,500 including the extended warranty.
After careful and almost, but apparently not extensive readings on the internet, there are many ultrabooks that trumped Macbook Air which included Dell XPS 13, Huawei Matebook 13 and ASUS ZenBook 13.
Huawei Mate 13 cost a bomb, and somehow Surface Laptop 2 did not appear during my research.

Hence I narrowed my readings down to Dell XPS 13 vs ASUS ZenBook 13 (Surface excluded, as I didn't know abt it 😑 ).
I went to Low Yat to see the price, and ASUS ZenBook is the cheaper one.
So I bought my very own ASUS ZenBook 13 for almost RM4k. Thank you Ma and Hubs!

Let's do a bit of review abt this laptop, after abt 2-3 weeks using it.

Let's start with the good things first.

The Advantages
1. The Long-lasting Battery
Last week I left the charger in Mama's hse in KL during my visit there.
With the battery at only 53%, I was afraid it will die after using - so I barely use it. Only used it about 2 hours every day and I set the battery usage to minimal. I switch it off every time after using it instead of just letting it sleep.

It managed to last me 5 days when the charger Aisyah posted to me finally arrived via PosLaju.

2. The small and compact body but 13" screen
Like the new Macbook Air, this ASUS ZenBook didn't have the extra space bordering the screen, it is almost full-screen, like mobile phones nowadays. So the screen is still 13" like my old MacBook Air but the body became smaller, since it doesn't need extra space.
And it is very light, barely 1.5kg.

I have not brought it to work but I am pretty sure it will not weigh my bag down like my previous MacBook Air.

3. The USB ports!
Not just one, but there are TWO USB ports on this machine.
One USB 2.0 and another is USB 3.0.
Hence I can easily connect my mouse AND printer at the same time, without worrying about charging the laptop.

The major disadvantage of MacBook Air 2019 in my opinion is the lack of USB ports. It has 2 Thunderbolt ports - one of which is also the charging port.


The Disadvantages
I am sad, there are still more of these compared to the advantages but perhaps I just need to adjust myself to Windows.

1, 2, 3. iCloud
This might be the biggest trouble I am facing now.
I use iCloud heavily ever since my switch to Apple 9 years ago.
I even paid for the monthly cloud storage. So when I had to switch back to Windows, I had trouble syncing all my iCloud documents into this ZenBook. Although there is an iCloud Drive software for Windows, it isn't as automatic as it is in MacBooks.
The document parts are all solved now, I managed to sync it to my C: drive.

However it can't sync my photos from iPhone as efficient as my MacBook can - simply because they are using different platforms.

I used to be able to take a photo on my iPhone and with internet connection, the picture will be on my MacBook within seconds.
If I do not have Internet connection, I can just AirDrop the picture from my iPhone to the MacBook - which takes seconds as well.
Now, I MUST have an Internet connection to be able to have the picture on my ZenBook, since iPhone can't Bluetooth files to computers and there is no AirDrop in between these two devices. The iCloud Photos are not syncing really well, I am not sure why so I had to go to iCloud.com, and manually download the picture into my laptop.

With this change of platform, it also mean I can't use Notes anymore.

No, this is not my Notes. This is from the net 😂

I take notes on the Notes app on my iPhone, and then I can edit it on my MacBook - because they sync.
Now I can't view them easily anymore because there is no Note software for Windows.

Maybe I need to start using Evernote now.
Alternatively, I can do this.


4. Compact Keyboard
The keyboard is really compact, I always mistype words.
The "Shift" button is especially challenging because it is as small as all the other letters buttons.
"Shift" buttons on keyboards are usually as big as the "Enter" buttons on laptops - if u know what I mean.
So now, everytime I need to type a capital letter, I have to stop and see the "Shift" button to correctly press it.

It's the right side of the keyboard that I found difficult adjusting to.

5. Speaker Pecah-Pecah
I am not sure what to call it in English but at certain volume, the sound starts to disperse haphazardly.
Imagine sound waves coming out at certain speed from the speakers and colliding with each other and the music produced is scattered - if that makes sense.
When I read the reviews, there was no mention about this. In fact, most of the reviews stated that the speakers are really good.
I wonder if MacBook speaker is exceptional, hence I got so used to it that I feel this quality is sub par.

SUMMARY
I WILL adjust to this Windows ZenBook.
I aim to use it for years from now.

But as of now, I still have the intention to go back to MacBook. Perhaps after I complete my Masters training and become a Specialist and earn more
🤩

Some of the reviews I read: (in most of them, Dell wins. But ASUS is cheaper, but still more expensive than non-Ultrabooks)
1. ASUS ZenBook 13 vs Dell XPS 13
2. ASUS ZenBook 13 vs MacBook Air 2019
3. Dell XPS 13 vs MacBook Air 2019

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

The Evolution of My Social Media Addiction

Assalammualaikum!
Let's talk about the social media addiction that really is plaguing our modern society so much so that families and friends aren't really connected anymore even when they are in the same room!
What better way to describe the addiction than my own addiction!

2005 - 2009
I can't exactly remember when was my first mobile phone but it was around 2005 / 2006.
That was during my Form 4 or 5 in high school.
The first phones were of course the solid Nokia phones.

At that time, I was addicted to SMS-es.
I SMS a lot of friends.
I always had my phone with me, sometimes even to toilet.
I reply SMS-es very fast, I can type without even looking at the screen - that's the beauty of having a proper keyboard.

At that time, Hotlink was the cheapest package. Only RM0.02 for each SMS.
I spent about RM30 per month for my phone prepaid. I barely call anyone. I only misscall my mum or dad, as a sign for them to call me back.

My mum and aunties were always scolding me for "melekat je kt handphone tu"
I had to be called for meals, and I will bring my phone to the dining table.
Thinking back, it was a very ridiculous behaviour.
I was there in the room with my family, but not there with them.

2009 - 2011
Then I entered IMU in 2009.
I reduced the SMS time significantly. But I was hooked with Facebook.
Pre-IMU, I used Friendster and MySpace. Yaw, sape igt lg Friendster and MySpace?
But in IMU, people started using Fb and I joined the bandwagon.
I replied comments very quickly, and I open Facebook everytime I am on my laptop. I remembered feeling so amazed with the ability of Facebook to connect so many people together. Many of my school and college friends were on Facebook and one friend leads to another and another and another. I can't stop commenting on their pictures and chatting with them.
Thankfully I can only do that on my laptop so it sort of limits my addiction time.
There were not much SMS-es around.

I was also obsessed with Yahoo Messenger and MSN Messenger.
The 3 platforms that I must open when my laptop is open were Facebook, YM and MSN.

2011 - 2014
I went to Manchester in 2011.
After a few months, I bought a Sony Xperia Ray - a contract phone with O2, the telecommunication company in the UK.
Don't be surprised, I bought the exact same phone with Akmal and we were only friends at that time 😅.
Xperia Ray was the cheapest in the market at that time, one that is available as a contract with O2.

That was my first smart phone.
It was so cool to be able to browse Facebook and emails through a phone.
But I still has not started using Whatsapp.
So then, I was addicted to mobile Facebook.

Somewhere in 2012 only I started using Whatsapp.
Then back in Malaysia, my mother bought her first smartphone and I asked Wasil to install Whatsapp for her so that I can chat with Mama easily.

My first Whatsapp group was between Mama, me and Wasil created on 17 Dec 2012 😱
The second group was between my housemates in Sharoe Green Lane, Preston. I created it on 25 Jan 2013.

So at that time, my social media addiction was Facebook and a little bit of WhatsApp with Akmal.
I don't really have a lot of Whatsapp groups yet.
Thankfully my addiction wasn't as bad when I was in high school.

9Gag was another major distraction at that time.
I can browse 9Gag for almost an hour, and laughing at most of their posts.
I told Akmal about it and he was actually surprised. He felt 9Gag is more of a man thing, not a lady website.

All the while, I was also engrossed with blogging.
Most of my blog entries were in 2010 and 2011.

2014 - 2019
I came back to Malaysia in 2014 after graduation.
I created my Instagram profile in the same year. My first Instagram post was on 2nd March 2014; it was a picture of me and Erni Dayana's son during my holiday trip back to Malaysia. Yo Neni, kau patut sangat berbangga.

But I did not have many Instagram friends / followers so I wasn't really active there.
Then I started my housemanship in late 2014.

That was when I started to have various WhatsApp groups!
I was added into Ortho HO group, then Ortho HO + MO group then Ortho HO + MO + Sp group, and Ortho Ward 7F group and the daily Oncall Ortho group and not to forget, the Orthoban group! (Orthoban was a group we created consisting of only us 8 first posters in the group - sort of the really junior babies HO ortho group where we lash and critic and talk bad about our seniors or MOs or specialists hikss)

After Ortho, there were also many groups in the subsequent postings.
Some postings we had groups for newbies, some not.
Most of the postings will need a group for HO only and for HO+MOs and some +Sp as well.

So from these groups, we had lots and lots of conversations.
We talk about the really important stuff, as well as gossips. Sometimes very hot gossips.

So I became fixated to Whatsapp groups.
I always read and many times, reply promptly in those groups.
Akmal will sometimes be angry at me for ignoring him and only focusing on my WhatsApp group (we were already married by then).
From his critics, I tried to reduce my WhatsApp time.
I learned to differentiate between urgent matters and non-urgent ones.
The ones that I need to reply now, and the ones that I can wait and reply later.

Somewhere along the line I started to be more active in Instagram.
And then Instagram story came around.

Now, apart from Facebook, I have Instagram to browse - which increased my screen time.

So I will take my phone out and scroll Facebook or Instagram while waiting for the lift, while in the lift, or while waiting for Akmal, or while walking to the laboratory from the ward.
Basically I scroll them all the time that I was not talking to a human being, or when I was with another person but do not know what to talk about.
It consumed my time a lot!

2019
This year, a whole new addiction appeared.
It is still in Facebook but it is now in the form of videos.

One video can lead to another interesting video and another interesting video.
The next video will automatically play and it made it harder for me to stop watching because I had to make an effort to not watch where else if I simply stare at my phone, videos will keep on playing.

And due to this nasty profiling technology, the videos that were played were all very tailored to me ie I get funny videos, baby videos, heart-warming good samaritans videos and so forth.
I can lie down and watch videos only for more than an hour!
Thats saying something!

Another addiction is Netflix.
I already have unlimited 100Mbps unlimited Unifi installed at home and with a Smart TV, I can watch Netflix anytime.
There is no advertisement within the episode and Netflox smartly play the next episode within 10 seconds.
Once the next episode starts, it really requires a great deal of effort and determination to hit the "Back" button and do other things.

And Netflix is also intelligently designed in such a way that they string related movies and dramas together and come up with a list of dramas and movies you probably like.
So far I have watched Doctors, Chief of Staff, Sky Castle, Designated Survivor, Arthdal Chronicles and many more that I couldn't even remember.
All these dramas are at least 16 hours long!

Social Disconnection
The trend is actually worrying - I am talking about my own addiction and perhaps this is happening to a significant percentage of people in the world.

We were at first addicted to SMS-es - we start to ignore those next to us, to communicate with those not with us.

We then got addicted to WhatsApp - where we can communicate with MANY MANY people at once, in real-time but in the expense of those next to us.

Then we also get addicted to Facebook and Instagrams - where we see updates from many of our family, friends, acquaintances, celebrities, politicians, influencers, online shops and reduced the quality time spent with real people nearest to us.

Now, we are addicted to videos and Netflix. Those are not even people. We aren't even communicating with people anymore.
We are being fed with such animated entertainment, that we are jeopardising the real communication with the real people in the real world.

I did not even touch the subject of video games. So many people are addicted to games be it on the phones, computers or dedicated devices like the Playstation or Wii. Akmal is also addicted to Hearthstone that many times he was unable to focus to me.

I wonder what will the next addiction and distraction be.
It is always a trial and a battle to fight these addictions, especially my latest videos diversion.
And in this crucial time of nearing my exam, the more I need to discipline myself.

With that, let's get back to study!



-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Freaking RM2000

Assalammualaikum.

I sent my Macbook Air 2017 to an Apple Service Centre about two weeks ago.
5 days lter, I received my quotation.
RM 2,240 for my screen replacement!
And an additional of RM100 for service charge.

The words on my mind: "Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!"
The Macbook isn't even 2 years yet. I found my original receipt. I bought it in Oct 2017, for RM 4,999.
The one-year warranty ended.
The girl at the service centre rubbed salt on my wound - "Tu la kak, kalau dulu akak amik Apple Care tu, warrranty cover sampai 3 tahun"

Felt like slapping her - I didn't expect a Macbook Air to last only 2 years.
I asked how could this happen? She said maybe because I always carry it in my bagpack and thus the inside shakes eventhough I have never dropped it.
But hey, if I do not need to always carry it, I might as well just buy a desktop!

So now I don't have a laptop.
I collected the Macbook Air from the store. Plan to send it to any laptop repairer, perhaps I could get a cheaper price from non-Appple technician which means I gotta go recce around The Mines or Lowyat. Any idea?
If the cost is too crazy, I might just sell this off and get a new one.

I still want a Macbook as already get very accustomed and comfortable with Macs.
The features are comprehensive and easy to use. There are a lot of things I can do with Macs, but will otherwise need a separate software in a Windows computer.
For example editing a PDF file. I can easily edit a PDF file using "Preview" in Mac.
You will need another software (I don't know what) to edit a PDF file in a Windows laptop.

I am kind of in love with the new Macbook Air 2019.
It has a Touch ID feature. And it is a lot lighter and smaller than my Macbook Air albeit the screen sizes are the same (13").
There is a lot of "excess" space in my 2017 Air where as they designed the 2019 to be "full screen", like most of the phones now.

The two main drawbacks to me are
1) Definitely the PRICE!
It cost RM5,349 for the Macbook Air alone! Without the 3 year Apple Care extended warranty.
If I want to pay in a 12-mth installments, I must buy the Apple Care which I think is close to RM2k.

2) It does not have a USB port.
Yes, to make the macbook the lighter and thinner, they sacrificed the USB ports - that is the port that most if not all pendrives and hard drives and printers and mice and keyboards connect to. They only have two USB-C ports - which is the type of port newer Android phones have.
Out of the two, one is for charging so there is only ONE vacant port left.

They are advertised as USB-C however the Canadian Stores advertised them as "Thunderbolt 3 port"
- Yes I checked the Canadian website in case it is cheaper to buy over there since my family's gonna visit Canada this year.
Upon further reading, Thunderbolt 3 is almost similar to USB-C apart from the speed they can provide ie a USB-C cable can connect to a Thunderbolt 3 port and vice versa however Thunderbolt 3 equipments will have a much faster speed when connected to a Thunderbolt 3 port.

To use conventional pendrives and printers and mice, we are advised to buy the adapters.
This is almost as stupid as removing the audio jack ports from the iPhone.

My exam is coming soon and I feel handicapped without my Macbook. But even to repair is expensive.
I am now occasionally using Akmal's laptop but he is also studying for his exam and need his laptop too.
I have a Samsung tab but then, a Macbook is always more comfortable to use.

Haiz.


-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

No, (Govt) Doctors are Not Rich

Assalammualaikum.
Well, we are not rich but we are comfortable.

My starting basic pay as a medical graduate was RM2777, and after adding all the other allowances, my take home pay was about RM3.5 - RM3.7k depending on how much was deducted for EPF.
That is definitely more than my other peers who started working as a non-doctor. It was even higher than my siblings' take home pay when they first graduated few years after me.

Almost 5 years down the road, my take home pay is a tad more than RM5k (sorry, salaries are such sensitive issues it's hard for me to disclose it in public here).
And my increment over these early years was more than some of my non-doctor peers, and even my siblings in the private sector.

But I get only RM500 bonus per year (when PH first ruled, I wasn't eligible for any bonus as the country was supposedly near the brink of bankruptcy) while some other people working in the oil and gas industry received one, two- or sometimes 6-months pay as their bonus. My sister Aisyah received her bonus of an undisclosable amount (even I don't know how much), and she can afford to treat our and my in-law families to a dinner celebrating my birthday in a fine-dining restaurant (it definitely was more than RM500 in total).

And yes, even though my increment was almost exponential these first few years, they will plateau over time.
After 10 years, I will earn less than those of my age in private sector. The trend is obvious. The more experienced you are, if you are hard working and smart, you will get paid more in the private sector. My brother is now being sought after by multiple companies for his barely 4 years experience and if all goes well, he might earn twice as much or even more as I will in 10 years time.
That is why also, many specialists are leaving the government hospitals to join private sectors.

But what government offers, which the privates can't is stability.
I know I will get my pay by the end of the month.
I will get all my allowances.
I can get my parents and hopefully children medical bills to be reduced so much, which still enjoying the first-class treatments should they ever need it.

Anyway back to my topic of doctors being not rich.
Yes, we are not rich but we are comfortable.
I can afford Sakae Sushi or hotel buffet every now and then.
I can afford a Macbook and an iPhone.
I can afford some TudungPeople shawls once in a while.
I have more than enough food in my fridge, a comfortable bed to lie on with many many comforter sets that my husband rolls his eyes every time I want to buy more beautiful comforter sets on sale.

But I am not rich because I still need to weigh and decide if I want to buy a pair of branded shoes or a handbag, or if I want to install a water heater in my bathroom because I can't afford all of them at the same time.
I have a course in KL some time this month and yes I received a complementary hotel room but if I want Akmal to come with me, I either pay for a separate hotel room, or I can use that money to buy the Tudung People tudungs that are on Merdeka Sale now, or again, install water heater in my shower. It's either one.

I gotta change my car battery anytime soon and it cost RM500, but I also want to install and air-cond for my brother's room in mum's house.
It's always a fight of luxury vs necessity and of course, necessity always have to win.
But even my necessities are luxuries to some people and I really really need to realise that and be thankful.

And now, my already-out-of-warranty macbook is giving my trouble.
The screen is flickering and it's impossible to do work on it.
I am now typing this on Akmal's computer.
I wonder how much it will cost me to get this repaired. Heck it wasn't even 3 years yet! Perhaps just passed the 2 years mark.
How can how can the macbook disappoint me like this?!

So many things to buy but also so many things to pay.
Being an adult is so difficult.
But then again, I lead this kind of life because I am still child-less.
Maybe I will learn to let my "wantings" go and work my way around my "needings" once I am with child.

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Anyone Still Reading?

Assalammualaikum.
I am not sure if people still read blogs.

I have always wanted to write here, but never done so past one year or so.
Today when I typed my own blog address, this junk website came up!

How do I get rid of it?
How can people start viewing my blog again?

p/s: If anyone is still reading this, drop a comment!

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

The Excitement in Organising

Assalammualaikum.

Anyone who has known me long enough from my high school years would have known that I like to organise events / gatherings / outings.
In high school, I organised a school trip to Genting Highland (yes I did, together with mother: the library teacher)
I organised a post-SPM informal outing to Port Dickson with my classmates, the first (and only) informal high school reunion and various extra-curricular activities in INTEC and IMU as well.
But I toned down in the UK. I was not actively involved in any student body in the UK as much as I thought I would. Mostly it was because I stayed in Preston, far from Manchester city. A little part of it was also because I needed to focus on my studies and at the same time I started dating my now husband 🙊 🙊 . Guess I wasn't that good of a multi-tasker.
While I was a house officer, I did even less organising. I was quite active in the houseman society but due to time and energy constraints, I did not organise many events.

In this hospital, I've participated actively in organising our latest project: The Organ Donation Awareness Week.
I was very excited that time. Contacting people for tshirts / look for buyers / went to the nearest shopping mall to ask permission to do a roadshow there and many others. But I have not really realised it yet.

And now, I am taking part in organising the Doctors Club Inaugural Annual Dinner.
And I get excited just by the thought of organising it.
I am in charge of the smoothness of the day, to contact a band to perform live music, and some other secret duties as well.
The dinner is less than a month from now.
There are so much to do but I am pretty sure we will all do well and will manage to pull this off.

Then only now I realised, I really like organising events.
The excitement and joy in me that was buried for the past 4 yrs just came out like a reservoir unable to contain the water in it anymore.

But I hope I will not lose my focus on the things I have to focus on; my husband and my career.

Just a short one today 🙃 🙃
I am oncall tomorrow - need to sleep early and get enough rest.


-Because life is a test-



-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

What I Dislike Abt This Small Town

Assalammualaikum.

When I was in IMU, I had this one Korean friend.

His name was Park Sang Hyun (I remember his name well because of Park Ji Sung 😝 😝)

I asked him what is the thing he misses the most about Korea.
To my surprise, his answer was not the food, the culture, the weather, or even his family.
His answer was: THE INTERNET.
The internet in Korea, according to him was super fast.
And I can imagine that.

Here, in this not-so-tiny town in Johor, I dont even have proper access to the internet.
Heck, my housing area is not even on Google Map!
If I search for my own current location on Google Map - I will be in the middle of a rubber plantation.
I cannot subscribe to Telekom for even a landline, let alone getting Streamyx or Unifi here.

Thank God I am using Webe Mobile, the coverage is pretty strong near here.
But only intermittently.
Sometimes the coverage is very strong, I could watch episodes of Korean drama on my phone.
But sometimes the coverage is very weak until the person on the other end of the line claims my voice sounds like I am drowning in deep water.

For house internet, I subscribed to Webe Broadband.
It cost me RM59 for 30GB worth of internet.
But we usually finished the quota by 20th of every month - or earlier.
This month, I ran out of my 30GB quota already hence I am using a super slow internet now. And it's only the 14th.
I can't even test my internet speed on speedtest.net
Even the test itself takes super long to load.

Imagine trying to write, preview and then publish this post.
Hence pardon me if there are grammatical/spelling errors.
I can't read and re-read them before publishing them.
It just takes too much of my time.

Hence, I'm going to end this post here.
And suddenly I wonder, how is Park Sang Hyun doing now?
Last I remembered, he fell in love with this one chinese girl from Klang and was contemplating whether to confess or not 😍 😍

-Because life is a test-

See, even this speedtest.netpage is taking forever to load 😭 😭

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Budak Bandar Again

Assalammualaikum.

This week is my KL week.
Since I have been transferred to Johor, Akmal and I take turn to go balik kampung.
And I purposely chose this weekend because Syaira is going to be in KL too and Alia is going back to Bahau next week.

Syaira, Alia and I were mates since our first posting in Orthopaedics.

So janji jumpa in KLCC since it is the easiest place to get to for Alia.

Public Transport
And to my excitement, dah maju rupanya Balakong ni!
We already have an MRT station 5km away from my mum's!

Excited naik MRT and LRT from Balakong to Pasar Seni then to KLCC.
The trip from Balakong to KLCC cost RM5.20 per person per way.
So for the two of us; it cost us RM20.80 in total.

The MRT memang cantik, and cold and bigger than the LRT.
The stations are bigger, and cleaner and of course, newer.

The Reunion
Our rendezvous point was the KLCC Concourse level surau.
Sampai2 je Alia and Syaira were attending to their babies.

And our next point was: the nappy changing room *palm face*

U take that one, I take this one

Wash wash, wash wash

Nasib xde yg berak busuk. If not, pengsan Auntie Akmar

It never crossed my mind to step foot into a nappy changing room.
To my surprise, memang cantik and well equipped nappy room in KLCC.
There is a mini playground, a few baby stations and a sink with water tap and soaps + a hot water dispenser.

Syaira's eldest; Safiyya was playing in the playground with some new friends so she got really upset when Syaira wanted to leave the nappy room after cleaning baby Ruqaiyyah.

She sulked the whole way to Madam Kwan's.
In fact she was still sulking while choosing food in Madam Kwan's.

And soon enough, Alia's baby Aqil pulak ngamuk2 sebab penat + lapar susu.

Alia's baby Aqil tengah mengamuk

Memang muka sedih betul lah

Syaira's Safiyya pun merajuk at the same time.

Anyway, we survived the session well.
Baby Aqil also feels happy enough that he wanted to play with Akmal - for a short while.

Baby Aqil refused to look at the cam

The whole team; with our empty plates.

And the girlsss!!

Kenapa post ni title "Budak Bandar Again"?
Because I felt so cosmopolitan-ite; taking MRT and LRT to KLCC, trying out cosmetics in the store, bought a Hazelnut Americano from The Coffee Bean.
Rasa terperuk gler dduk kt bandar kcik in Johor 😂
Just that kali ni I didn't sit in a coffee shop, using my Mac looking swag.

And ooohh!! 11.11 sale is comingg!!

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Book Review: Have A Little Faith

Assalammualaikum.

I've always loved Mitch Albom's work.
I feel that they are always very inspiring, funny and resonates well with our real lives.
And they are usually expensive - relatively, compared to other thicker books.

In every bookfair, I will always look for Albom's books.
I'll buy them if they aren't too expensive.
And during the last Big Bad Wolf book fair in Mines, I managed to get hold of one; titled Have A Little Faith - which cost me RM12.
Not too bad.

This book is well written, and it teaches a lot of life values.
However, it is so very Jewish and Judaism-ish.

Albom's previous works are stories about his dying professor Morrie and his last words and life lessons. This book talks about his Rabbi - affectionately known as "the Reb" whom he knew from when he was a little boy but only recently reconnected with, when the Reb asked Albom to write his eulogy.
Let me give you a little bit of spoiler - it spans for more than 8 years, this book.
He describes how he grew closer and fonder of the Rabbi, the very being he was so afraid of and always avoided when he was young.

He described how well mannered, patient, peaceful, determined and kind hearted his Rabbi was.
The Man of God - that's how he always describe this man.
And I really really admired this Rabbi character - and I silently wish we have more Islamic preachers with these characteristics.
He keeps track of people in his congregation, made phone calls to the respective families when he heard of any weddings / child birth / deaths within, if he cannot attend the function.
He does house visits until he was too old to do so.
And he was well educated as well.

I like it that he MAKES phone calls, a rather dying trend of our society nowadays.
We WhatsApp, message, emails - which are actually not real conversations.
We can misunderstood and hid emotions with written conversations. We can always add "Haha" at the end of any sentence, to make it sound better, even if the sentence before might break our or the receiver's heart.
But when you call, you can hear the person's laughter, sorrow or even silence when the person at the end of the line tried to swallow her tears.

And anyone who have read my blog long enough will have noticed - I hate Zionism.
I hate them for oppressing and occupying the Palestinian lands illegally - and they hide behind the name "Israel" - which also equals to Jewish.
But not all Jews are Zionists though.
And the main character of this book is the Reb - someone of a different religion with me.
Someone of the religion that the Zionists hide behind.
Anyway, this sentence of mine can be politically challenged - lets put that aside for now.

The writer also talked about Pastor Henry Covington.
A determined, dedicated Christian pastor who was involved with lots of crime during his younger days - including drugs and was also jailed for some time.
And he formed and became the pastor of the My Brothers Keeper's Church - and has turned a new leaf. He described the man very well, and I believe Pastor Covington IS a miracle and a living proof  of what determination and faith can bring into a person's life.

Albom managed to make me fall in love with the characters, but of course, not the religions.
Most of the teachings are the same anyway, the Abrahamic religions.
Hence there was no reason for me to fall in love with the religions.

I hesitated though during the process of reading the book.
It took me more than one week, not because of the hesitations but rather due to the limited time I had.
And I thought of stopping myself from reading this book as it was too Jewish.
Will it benefit me more if read a more Islamic book instead?
Will this put me in the danger of Shirk?
I kept my mind open though - I am reading this book for the sake of reading it, and I already buy it anyway.
I will not let the book shakes my faith in whatever way.
And of course, it didn't.

I was very much absorbed into the story half way thru the book.
In fact, it taught me a lot about life and perseverance and having and keeping that strong faith.
And I am glad I did not stop reading it - just because I am scared it might make me turn my back towards Islam or, what will other people say if they know I read these kinds of books?
I was quite disappointed - oh why is Albom, the writer I admired is a Jew? I can accept him being a Christian or Hindu or Taoist. But Jewish?

But, come to think of it again, that was silly ain't it?
To think that my faith can be shattered from reading a non-fiction, non-biased book?
How thin was my faith?
If anything, after reading this book I felt my faith towards Islam just grew stronger.
I now have a better and more imaginable character to adopt into my life.
And I look forward to Albom's other works.

Let me end with a quote from the Reb

“Mitch, that's what faith is. If they spit in your face, you say it must be raining. But you still come back tomorrow.” 

-Because life is a test-

 -AkMaR-
 http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

The not-so-wise tooth

Assalammualaikum.

People call the human third molar as the wisdom tooth.
It really is, a misnomer - as it is no wiser than my other teeth.
In fact, I think it is even more brainless than the others.
Why bother come out when you don't have space to - and make my life miserable past 5 yrs and now worse past one week.

Too Expensive to Bother

So I had this wisdom tooth that started to appear some time before I continued my degree in the UK.
In UK, I think it was infected TWICE - within 3 years time.
I THINK it was infected, because I did not go to see any dentist there.
You see, somehow dental health is not included in the NHS free service (at least that's what people tell me)
Hence each visit to the dentist will cost about £20 - 30 - and thats more than RM100 - for a simple check-up, excluding the procedures or medication.
Thus I kept the pain to myself, gobbled down Paracetamol and it went away.
The first summer break in Malaysia, I skipped going to the dentist.
When the infection happened the 2nd time in the UK, I swore to myself that I will make it a point to visit the dentist in Malaysia when I get home.
And I did.
I just can't remember what the dentist did. I think she gave me an appointment date that I was not able to keep.

And then it wasn't so painful anymore.
Only some time it started throbbing and will usually go away after I brush my teeth so hard that my gum bled.

Too Busy to Bother

Then during my houseman year, it got infected again.
Not having time nor the luxury to go to the dentist, I kept the pain to myself again.
Earlier this year, it got infected again.
It was so painful and I was blessed to meet this one nice senior dentist in the hospital, that I asked for her help. She asked me to come to the clinic any time I can make it.

The first time I went, she said my wisdom tooth was impacted and inflamed.
But not infected - hence she prescribed me only Chlorhexidine mouthwash - no antibiotics.
She also kindly asked her junior to do scaling for me. My God, it was soo "ngilu".
And then she asked me to come when it is not painful anymore.
I felt like crying - how can the pain go away if you are giving me only mouthwash?
I felt the pain was different from the pain I had before.

But it did go away.
One week later, I showed up again at her clinic.
She had another quick look and asked me to set an appointment with the dental assistant, at a time convenient for me.
She will have to extract the tooth, if it is a simple procedure, I will get a 1 day MC.
If it's a complicated one, I'll need 3 days MC, as it will my face bengkak.

So I had to postpone the procedure until I completed my housemanship.
I won't be able to get a 3 day MC during my housemanship - it is just difficult.

Finally Free-er

So, I had the extraction done last Monday 27.2.17
She had a look and was saying things like "opening flaps", "making incisions", "gutters" and stuff - and she looked at me like I understood what she was saying. Oh come on, I'm a medical doctor, not a dentist.
I know what those words mean but I can't imagine the procedure.
But anyway, I simply nodded.
I felt so much in debt with her - and she's so nice that I do not wish to trouble her.

Oh, The Pain

The extraction itself was horrific.
It wasn't painful but the sounds of the machine all scared me.
She was being very considerate and kept asking if I was in pain.
She injected a very generous amount of local anaesthesia that I didn't feel any pain at all - just some pressure.
But it turns out that my not-so-wise tooth was very big and angled in such a way that she can't simply pull it out even after cutting the gum open, making a flap and gutter and whatnot that I heard her saying to her junior while exploring in my oral cavity while I quietly trembled in fear.

She had to call the Oral Surgeon to come and help but the surgeon was preoccupied at that time.
When you're in this line long enough, you know that when people started seeking help, things are not going as smooth as you hoped. Well, not to scare you lot but it's the truth.
Be reminded though, informing the superior and asking for help from the superior are two different things.

In the end, she had to break my tooth before pulling it out.
Sounds gory eh?
Imagine hearing the grinding machine, working it's way in your mouth.
And my jaw was so tired of keeping my mouth open, I wished someone can just help hold my jaws open. The bigger the better - clearer field for the dentist.

So after pulling the little demon out, she had to suture the flaps back.
And I got a 3 day MC.
My appointment was at 9.30am - post breakfast.
I finished everything - including taking the meds from the pharmacy at about 1pm.
And I went straight home and sleep.
It got so painful as the local anaesthesia effect is slowly fading.
And the oral painkiller needed time to take effect.
I skipped lunch and by the time Akmal comes home that night, I was famished.

The Recovery

The next day, I had porridge for all my 3 meals and I was so much on top of the pain.
I took painkillers on time and ate only soft food.
I was so pain-free and was certain can do the procedure again, if needed.
On my last day of MC, I started eating macaroni, and all was well.

Only on Thursday, the first day I started working - that the pain kicked in like crazy.
I was so much in pain I felt like crying all the time.
The throbbing pain comes and goes.
When it comes, I felt like punching my face hard, right on the spot near my jaw where the tooth was so that it gets numb.
I practically lived off Paracetamol, Ponstan and Ibuprofen on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
I asked Akmal to have a look at it a few times, and I made him explore around using a cotton bud which I really regretted after that as it worsen the pain and I had to push my cheek on my palm so hard against my pillow to sleep that night.
Last night it was unbearably painful that I had to skip dinner (but I had Manhattan Fish Market for lunch haaaaaa haaaa 😂😂 ).

And today was my appointment day to remove the sutures.
The day I've been waiting for since Thursday.
I did not want to go earlier since I did not want to be a burden.
I have used my privilege as a doctor enough, going straight to the clinic without having a proper referral letters and being able to call the clinic and change appointment dates to suit my schedule, and even had all the staff in the clinic calling me "Doctor" as I pass by - "Doktor, kumur mulut sini" / "Doktor, sakit lagi tak?" etc etc
I didn't want to be a crybaby hence I waited for this day.

The Shame of the Broccoli

And it turns out, the gutter or the socket where my tooth sat was very deep.
And I had food particles stuck there.
And bacteria were happily feasting on them - hence the pain.
The dentist flushed the socket using syringe and taught me how to do it myself.
And they found some small pieces of broccoli in there (I was so embarrassed at that time - I had it during lunch ytd) 😳 😳 😳 😳
"Doktor makan broccoli yeeee" - said the dental assistant.
Hilang ayu oi.
But I did really gargle as hard, if I can describe it that way, as I can after every meal.

Anyway, now the pain is improving although it is still there.
If anyone were to slap my face now, I'll throw that person out of the window for the pain of the slap will cause more than skin damage to me.

Okay, that's enough for now.
I hope when I re-read this post in a year time, I will remember how painful it was.

And see, I wrote a 1000 words essay on "Removing My Teeth"
I hope this didn't bore you!

p/s: I know the wisdom tooth and the wise tooth ARE different.

-Because life is a test-

There. The size comparison of my teeth vs left index finger

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com