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Monday, December 5, 2016

Growing Up

I’ve been married for 6 months now.

6 months!

And I’ve moved out of my mum’s house into a rented apartment with my husband (even saying “husband” out loud is still weird for me sometimes)

So yea, since I started working 10 months ago, my life turned upside down.
I got so busy with my more-than-80 working hours every week, losing my social life; missing birthdays, weddings and gatherings (not yet funeral, though!)

I was very fortunate that my workplace is near to mum’s place and mum has a maid. So 6 months ago, my clothes and food were catered for.
I woke up to a breakfast (or at least a packed breakfast) and came home to a dinner, with my clothes ironed for me everyday.
I need not do the laundry, my room was vacuumed every week and my off day (only one a week!) can be spent sleeping, without worrying about marketing, cooking or washing.

So you can imagine how worrying it was for me thinking how life would be after the wedding, and the moving out.

6 months fast forward, I am still surviving, well.

I managed to do my laundry.
I cook once in a while.
I iron our clothes every week.
I managed to clean the toilet once a week or so.

My apartment is not full of stacked papers and files, unwashed dishes and piles of unwashed clothes hidden in corners or under the bed.

I don’t know how I did it.

Lots of help from dear husband of course.
And of course too, my mum and maid come by once a month for a few hours to help me with the ironing and floor mopping.
It may also be because I have become a bit more accustomed to this busy house officer life, so I was not as exhausted as when I first started working.

But hey, I still manage it, without going crazy or having a fight with dear husband.
Some supposedly modern feminist might say, why do I put the responsibility of taking care of the household on me?
Well, I was thinking about it too.
Islam has never said the woman of the house is responsible of the house chores.
But why do I feel that the duty is on me?
Well I suppose it is because the society has drilled it upon us.

Thank God, Akmal is far from the male-chauvinist type.
He would be the one putting our groceries into the fridge while I change.
He would be the one folding the clothes while I iron our working attires.
And he would be the one choosing chickens to buy in supermarket :-D

Of course, there were still times when we forgot to throw our garbage in the kitchen, that when both of us got home exhausted from being oncall, the smell of “fermented garbages” welcomed us. We swore to ourselves not to forget throwing the garbage, EVER AGAIN.
And the times where we were so tired to cook that we called pizza for dinner (I so hope restaurants start delivery services for nasi goreng, nasi lemak and those sorts).

We are still learning, and growing up.

-Because life is a test-

THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON 20 OCT 2015 IN MY OTHER BLOG WHICH WAS CREATED WHEN I LOST ACCESS TO THIS BLOG


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Owning Only One Car

Assalammualaikum

Currently Akmal and I are using only one car.
We are sharing his red Proton Saga.
I returned the Kelisa I've been using since my A Level years to mum, and now my sister is using it for her class.

The plus point, I don't have to pay for car loan.
The minus point (but can also be the plus point), we always have to take turn to use the car.

Say...I work morning shift (until 5pm) but Akmal works long shift (until 10pm), that means I will drive the car home at 5pm and come back to the hospital to fetch Akmal at 10pm. If he finishes his work late (which is usually the case), I will need to wait until he finished his work.

Same goes if I work long shift and he morning.

If we have two cars - one of each (I've always fancied a Honda Jazz :-D), I can go home at 5pm and perhaps cook dinner while waiting for dear husband to come home.

But, if we have two cars that means in the morning both of us have to drive off separately.
We wake up at the same time, go down the apartment at the same time but drives off separately and look for a parking space separately. Not only it takes the already limited parking spaces but that will also mean Akmal and I will have less time together.

The journeys to and fro work are the time where we update each other - considering the busy schedule we have as house officers*.
I can't imagine having to drive to work separately.

So maybe...I'll hold off my Honda Jazz for now.
I can't afford it yet, anyway

- Because life is a test -

*This post originally posted on 15th Dec 2015.
In a diff blog, when I lost access to this blog*


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Friday, December 2, 2016

I am sorry I can't save your baby

Assalammualaikum.
Okay so now I am almost at the end of my 3rd posting; Obstetrics and Gynaecology.

Obstetrics is when women pregnant more than 23 weeks are concerned, while Gynaecology deals with all women (physical) women-health problems, and if their pregnancy is less than 23 weeks old.

Get it?

You know in the movies and dramas where when a woman lost her pregnancy in an accident or something, the doctor will come up to her and say, "I am sorry we lost your baby" - in a solemn, empathic, guilty face?

I am very sorry to say it doesn't happen like that in real life.

Most women I met during my Gynaecology posting are women who have just had a miscarriage.
The foetus they carried just died - like that. Gone.

Most of the time, these women might be pregnant for 8 - 10 weeks (that is 2 months you know) and then they had a PV bleed and when we scanned, there is no foetal heart. The foetus died.
And we simply say, "The foetus doesn't make it" or in Malay, "Baby ni tak jadi"
And we take it scientifically - the sperm and ovum met, fertilised and divided. But the mitosis that happened may have gone wrong, the chromosomes that resulted is not compatible with life and the cells degenerate. That is the most common cause of miscarriages.

But to the woman, the thing that have died are not just cells.
The thing they carried in them were their babies - who they might have been very excited about. Who they might have imagined what gender could it be, how to call the babies, how should the babies call them - Mama? Papa? Daddy ummi abi?

To avoid having to deal with their emotions, I noticed that we tend to shut our emotions away from it. And by "we", I meant doctors.
What do I do if this woman in front of me broke into tears?
I have like 3 other women waiting outside the door, that might have had a miscarriage as well.
Can I afford to tackle this woman's tears? And all the women after this?

So I noticed that what "we" usually do is to say - "the baby doesn't make it"
And let the woman's family deal with her emotions - usually her husband is outside the door as well. We will call the husband in and explain.
We give them an appointment date - to rescan and the foetal heart is still absent, offer her a treatment - to remove the dead cells surgically or medically.

It's all so scientific.
There is no emotion.
But if i were to put emotions in dealing with all my patients - won't it be too tiring for me?
I will be sharing emotions with 20 sad women a day - everyday.


I am sorry your baby died, there is nothing I can do to save the baby, I know this is hard for you but you have to accept this, you can try again.


-Because life is a test-

*This was originally written on 8th Dec 2015. The time when I lost access to this blog, hence I created another blog.


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com





Thursday, December 1, 2016

Weddings Here and There

Assalammualaikum.

Few years back, my phone gallery used to be full of outings or lecture slides that we were too lazy to copy on paper - but ended up not copying them pun at home.

Once I started working, my phone gallery became full of foot ulcer pics, scans and xray images.
You wont want to start scrolling through my gallery. My younger sister almost cried seeing the gory pictures.
Not to forget, the weekly timetables since sometime the timetable of the week was changed so many times we have many versions of it.

I am wiser now.
I've disable the auto-download feature on WhatsApp. That means I can choose not to download those gory pictures.
And I make it a point to delete those pictures every few months.
So I dont have that much of them now.

I went thru my phone galleries lately.
And I noticed there were so many wedding pictures.
My circle of friends is expanding.
People I know is getting engaged / married.
I used to go to my parent's friend's children's wedding.
Not anymore. I now go to my friend's wedding.

So these are the collection of weddings Akmal and I attended since our own wedding last April.

Of course, we shall start from my very own wedding.

11 April 2015



22 Nov 2015
Zawanah and Izzat's wedding.
They were both my seniors in my workplace.
People say they err got closer during Orthopaedics posting - which was my first posting.
And I was so clueless!




The house officers and little ones!

Syaira, me and Alia.

2 April 2016
Syahidah's wedding.
My 3 year housemate in Preston.
I don't know when she get to know this man, she was always very secretive 😒


Ibrizah and husband. She got married too in Singapore but I couldn' make it 😞


Well, as usual. Bobby @ Zulhilmi was Syahidah's photographer too

30 April 2016
Akmal's INTEC mate wedding
@ Perbadanan Putrajaya
- well I don't know much about this couple but I think they know each other from HACC - a club focusing on outdoor activities in INTEC.
I've never actually seen Akmal interacted with his peers for so his reunion was kinda new for me.


18 June 2016

Praba Shanmugam's wedding
Well she was my primary school mate! I've known her for more than half of my life.
This is one wedding that Akmal could not attend with me hence I brought Kak Ra instead.
This was my first Indian wedding and it was nice and I get to meet my favourite high school teacher! (well apart from my mum)


23 July 2016
Akmal's cousin's wedding
@ Johor

We actually made a one day journey back and forth Johor - Putrajaya on this day.
Akmal has so many cousins and many of them got engaged / married lately but due to our packed schedule, we always weren't able to make it.
Hence this time we really tried our best.



30 July 2016

Sharifah Farhana's wedding
Another school mate of mine.
I know her from Form 1 and I used to call her father "Shed", instead of "Sayyed"


27 Aug 2016
This was probably my most awaited wedding.
Alia and Faisal's wedding.

They are our colleagues in hospital.
They know each other from med school and were always being teased.
Their wedding was grand and nice and cosy, and tasty.
It was everything nice, except that it's far from my house and I was stuck in almost 2hrs traffic jam on my way there and then lost my way back from there.





And....
Was there any other weddings that I missed?
Can't remember, it's 1am and I need to sleep.
Fortunately it's my off day tomorrow.

Good night!

-Because life is a test-


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Her E-Day

Assalammualaikum.
Yes, I'm back.
After like what, 5 months?

Fuh! Fuh!
It IS dusty, blergh.

*wipe wipe*



To commemorate this return, I'd like to write about Diana's engagement! :p
Ya that girl is now attached ♥

We've known each other since INTEC, almost 10 years now.
A short time actually, from an adult point-of-view.
One more person not to be forgotten when I mention Diana is of course, Farahin.

9 July 2009!

☘ 20 Nov 2016☘

Anyway, tarikh keramat itu adalah on 20.11.16
Nti next year tarikh lagi keramat akan muncul
Lepas raya katanye 😬

As usual, the photographer is the famous Zulhilmi @ Bobby
He's one of our college-mates and has been the photographer for many of our INTEC people weddings and events.
Want to see his works? Here
Want to contact him? Here

I arrived at 12noon sharp .
Wanted to come earlier however since hubs was postcall that day, I let him sleep in a bit longer.
I purposely arranged it so that my off day will be on that particular Sunday.
And I put in a bit extra effort to look nice that day 😋
Wore my byFatinSuhana dress for the first time (simply because I don't have a place to wear it to before and this was the perfect chance)

Sampai2 je I think the makan2 just started.
Diana was still inside taking pictures.
And even though I've reminded him to be my personal photographer of the day, Akmal (and me too) completely forgotten about it hence I did not have even a single picture of the event in my phone - apart from the wefie I took while he drives.

So these are the pictures by Bobby [credit]






So after the tangkap2 gmbr, Akmal and I walked out to err..eat.

And oh!
You know what they say that this world is small?
Well yes it is to some extent.

So Fuad and Diana met each other while they were both working in Sabah.
And it turns out Fuad's elder sister is my MO in Anaesth Dept.
Such a fate!

Me and Kak Hafizah
Guess who else I met?
Farahin!

But that wasn't all.
I was so not surprised seeing her, since we promised to meet.
What surprised me was she come with her fiance!
Yes, that naughty girl is also attached now. Lagi naughty, tunang senyap2.
Tiba2 je dah tunang.
Oh tapi dia pemalu. So they came in two different cars *shy shy, tp bagus la kan 👏 *

The food was superb.
The satay was nicely done, even tho the person grilling it was wearing a Juwett brace and both Farahin and I were so itchy wanted to ask his medical history, we decided the satay was more interesting than the brace.

After the food session, we went back in for second photograpy session 😄





[The 3 couples. Girls and boys dduk jauh2 k. Let me be in the middle. Haha.. Next year baru boleh tgkp gmbr rapat2 skit]

So Diana and Fuad, I hope the best for you both.
Cant wait for your BIG day 👰 !!

As I was going thru my picture albums, I found these pictures!

Taken in 2008 / 2009.
Gambar masa kecik2. Gelap berjemur and sgt school girls.

Sekarang boleh kot beli buku ni and khatamkan.. Hiks!





-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Monday, May 16, 2016

White Chocolate Macadamia


Thursday 12 May was Nurse's Day
And the nurses in my workplace bought themselves 3 Secret Recipe cakes.
Three!

But no one had the courtesy to offer me some of it when I came into the pantry for my quick lunch at 3.30pm
To be fair, there were only 3 of them left in the pantry; 2 nurses with 1 PPK.
Perhaps they weren't the friendliest of them.

But I tried to be friendly, "Yeaa...ada cake.. Nk sikit?"
To my horror, nurse#1 growled.
Then PPK said "Amik la Dr..tapi ni kongsi ramai2.."

I felt like saying Ok fine xpe, xnak makan la"
Tapi nanti nampak mcm merajuk sgt pulak.

"Ok...thank you!"
Padahal dalam hati aduh sakitnya.

So today I managed to drag him to Secret Recipe and have my own slice of White Chocolate Macadamia cake! :D

-Because life is a test-


Secret Recipe IOI Mall



Barista ni nak buat motif apa sebenarnya ni?
-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com


Friday, May 13, 2016

Reaccessing this blog

Assalammualaikum.
OK, so I managed to reaccess this blog
For some reason, it just decided to cooperate with me and allow me to access my blog.
I just had to change my password.

And to my surprise, the HP number and email address linked to this account of mine was Hui Fong's.
No wonder I can't recall any of my previous numbers which ended with XX28

Anyway, I can start writing on this blog againn!!
After one terrible year!

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Sunday, May 17, 2015

My Wedding Story #2 :: Dulang Hantaran 1


Assalammualaikum!
Disclaimer: The English language in this post is tailored to suit the Malaysian writer, and readers!

Ok, so yesterday I announced my engagement date; 8 Nov 2014!

I've just got to know that dulang-dulang hantaran are to be sent during bertunang (engagement). I thought they are to be sent during bernikah (solemnisation).
So what is a dulang hantaran?
Dulang literally mean "tray" and hantaran is "gifts".
So the couple will buy gifts for each other and the gifts are presented in trays.
The gifts are usually personal accessories eg watch, ring, belt, wallet, handbag, purse, Quran etc.

The girl should send 2 dulang more than the man. So in my case, since Akmal will be sending 9 dulangs, I need to give him 11!
But worry not, not all 11 dulangs have to be personal gifts. It can be fruit baskets, cakes, chocolates and any other food I deem interesting.

My main problem is......decorating the dulang!
I am very very bad in arts, like really really bad.
I can't even draw a straight line.
How can I decorate my own dulang?

But hey, we can always buy ready made dulang!!
So mama and I went to the nearby kedai barang aksesori pengantin.
And these are our catch ♥

RM 338 for five dulangs!
That means I need to buy 2 sets of this, plus one more.
So it will cost me at least RM700 *gasping for air*

This is even simpler, but is the same price with the previous one.

This is in one of the shops in Nilai 3.
I will still need to spend at least RM700 for the 11 dulangs *cry cry*

So after seeing the prices, I felt so sad and depressed.
Money is almost always the problem, isn't it?
So.....




I have decided.....





To decorate my own dulang!
I am going to take this challenge and decorate them myself!
But of course, I need to drag my sister into this project haha.

Akmal and I bought most of the items for the hantaran in UK last year.
We grabbed the boxing day opportunity and managed to buy quite a lot of items for a cheaper price.
So what I need to do now is to have a proper look at the items I bought and look for ideas to decorate the trays.
I have decided to copy the design I find most interesting.
Since my theme colour is blue, my trays must be in blue as well.

Hmm...light blue and white is a good combination right?
Or light blue and pink.

I googled around, and these images below are the results when I searched for "design hantaran jam tangan":

This is beautiful. But the bicycle is quite pricey

Simple and elegant eh? I may do something like this

The flower is heavy, but I like the concept.

More examples

I have been to a few kedai barang-barang pengantin to survey the prices and the decorations they have.
These shops usually have some ready made dulang for customers so that gave me the chance to have a proper look at the dulang, how did they stick the flowers together, how did they arrange the flowers etc.

One tip, if you want to go and survey a few shops, a camera is very handy.
I used my phone camera to snap the picture of the items, and a closer shot at the price tag.
This way, I will be able to compare prices from different shops.

I have also bought the October 2014 Pesona Pengantin magazine.
Did you know that is cost RM14.90?! My God...

Well, there were many hantaran and wedding dress designs in the magazine. But the dress design bit is not so practical for me.
How could they suggest sleeveless wedding dress to Malay readers?!
Well, we can say majority of the magazine readers will be Malay.
Anyway, that is a completely different topic.

You know, the Akmar that I know two months ago will not know where to find barang-barang perkahwinan.
I can only think of Nilai 3, since their advertisement as "Kedai Pengantin Terbesar di Malaysia" is so big along PLUS highway.
I can never imagine trusting myself to decorate my own dulang hantaran.

But now, since I have actually started to open my eyes to these things; it all became clearer.
I have just realised that there are 2 very big kedai barang pengantin within 10km of my house.
I have never paid attention to them before. I didn't have to.
That means, if you open your eyes enough, you will see it.
That's one life lesson for us.

I actually wrote this post on October 8th 2014.
But I have scheduled it in such a way that it will only become public on 17th May 2015.
So that means....today is my little brother, Kean Chye's birthday!
Happy Birthday KC!

Tomorrow you will read more about my engagement dress *weewiitt* and how I surveyed for the dulang hantaran.
InsyaAllah.

-Because life is a test-



-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Saturday, May 16, 2015

My Wedding Story #1:: Merisik

Assalammualaikum!

Ok, harini nk cerita about merisik.
Well, as far as I know, merisik ni tradisi zaman dahulu kala.
When a man (or his family) is interested in a girl, he doesn't approach the girl. Instead, he will send his family to approach the girl's family (sweet kan?).
His family will ask, Is this girl available? Will she be interested in our son? Can we have a better look at her? etc etc.
The family doesn't come empty handed though! They will usually bring a gift; most of the time, a ring.
So they will give the ring to the girl via the family and if the girl accepts the "risikan" (which literally means the peep), the ring will be hers.
If she is not interested in the man, then the family will return the ring (not necessarily on the same day, I think).

But....as time passes, and men started travelling out of their hometown, they don't approach the girls via the family anymore.
They approach the girl on their own.
Hence, he will know whether the girl is available or not, is the girl interested in him etc etc.
But because the tradition is already there, the man's family will still come to the girl's family to "merisik" - that makes it official between families.
Sometimes it's funny, the couple has known each other for years yet the man's family has to come and "merisik", to ask the availability of the girl. Obviously lah perempuan tu available kannn...

Anyway...
Akmal's rombongan merisik came to my house on September 21st :D *grin grin*
I was very very nervous. Mama and I went to scout for a new dress for me.
The dress cost RM221 in total! RM190 for the dress and RM31 for alteration, since it was quite big for me.
I wore the same scarf I wore during my convocation, a satin scarf which I bought for £7 in Rusholme.

One thing about merisik, the man does not come.
Remember the motive of a risikan? To ask if the girl is available.
It will be embarrassing for the man if the girl's family replied downright that the girl is not available, or is not interested in him.
So to avoid any embarrassment directly, the man does not follow.
Such a thoughtful custom.

So on that day, Akmal waited in the surau in my taman.
My father sent my youngest brother to accompany him there.
His rombongan consists his parents, elder brother and his wife and daughter.

He bought me a gold ring *wee mata kelip2*
He went to shop for the ring with his parents about a week before the risikan, and apparently it was their choice.
I was so nervous as he refused to give me even a picture of the ring; I do not know how will the ring look like.
Weyh, mak mentua yg pilih weyh. Tak seram?
Besar ke? Kcik ke? Emas ke? Kosong ke? Ringan ke?
:S
The more I think, the more nervous I get.
But I needed to advise myself, tu org bagi tau. Bersyukur laaa...
Be thankful!

According to Akmal, merisik is only between the nuclear families.
But my mum invited my first uncle over to be the spokesman.

Akmal's family arrived at 1pm.
I was not supposed to be there (according to my mum), so I waited in her room (because her room has aircond and I put on some light make-up and didn't want it to melt. Also, her room faces the front gate so I can see them arriving).

Akmal gave me a heads-up, saying his family arrived and he is already in the surau so I ran to the window and peeked out.
His mother was holding a nice tray with something on it! That must be the gift! Wow...
I thought she will just bring the ring in her handbag. I didn't know there will be a proper gift.
*ahaaaa excited*

And then I saw my dad walking out of the house to open the gate for them.
I was so nervous I can't sit still in the room.
My heart pumped so fast and strong it felt as if my chest is going to burst open.
I tried to eavesdrop and when I heard "datang ni nak merisik anak perempuan.....", I felt so *undescribable* and can't continue listening. I went back into my mum's room and waited for my sister to come up and fetch me.
When the time is right i.e. my family accepted the risikan, my sister will call me down for the mother to put the ring on my finger.

Just some happy pictures during the discussion. Credit: my beautiful sis, Aisyah

Future in laws

Future in laws, insyaAllah~

Before long, my sister came up.
I came down with her, all eyes on me (or so I thought), and sat on the sofa.
When my uncle gave the cue, my sister took a large cushion and put in front of my future mother-in-law, for me to sit on (bersimpuh weyh...), and the mother put on the ring on me :)

Here are some more pictures!

Sarung cincin, la cincin...

Close up :)

And the hugging that comes after.
Moga dipermudahkan.
Jgn la jadi mcm cite cite Melayu tragedi ibu mertua and menantu. Amiiin..

After sarung cincin, I sat down for a while and then was asked to go up again because my family wanted to discuss "further".
I went up, and admired the ring on my own.
Besaunye...

Then Aisyah gave me the cue to call Akmal and bro to come from surau and have lunch.
I went down too but did not have lunch with them.
I'm afraid I will stain my pretty dress.

The gift from them. There was kain in the box - for me to make baju kurung

Our gift for them - a fruit basket and two pieces of mooncake

My outfit for the day. And the ring.

-Because life is a test-


We have decided that our engagement date will be on the 8th of Nov 2014!
I am now planning for my engagement pula.

I completed this post on Oct 7th, that means I have a month before the engagement!
I am going to Masjid India with mama in a little while. She is still in her raya haji school holiday.
This post is scheduled to be published on May 16th 2015. Tomorrow another post will be published: my plan and thoughts of the engagement :)

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Friday, May 15, 2015

My Wedding Story :: Intro

Assalammualaikum :)

Well.
My Wedding Story.
Mcm pelik sikit, segan pulak.

I am writing this on Oct 2, 2014 but I will schedule it in such a way that it will only be published on 15 May 2015.
I will write my journey and experiences in planning my merisik day, engagement and wedding day.
That will include where do I look for my dresses, how do I decorate my dulang hantaran (which I decided to do myself) and many others.

It's a bit embarrassing to let everyone know about my wedding, because I consider it very personal.
But I also find blogs that write about their experiences helpful, because I do not have anyone to really guide me through the steps.

I am the first child of the first child; I am the first grandchild.
My mum is a Chinese while my father was born in Indonesia.
Malay culture is not in my blood, but since I am going to marry a Malay man, I will need to do it the Malay way (but of course, with some Chinese touches).

InsyaAllah, I will marry Dr Mohd Noor Akmal, a man I met while doing my phase 2 MBBS in Royal Preston Hospital.
Things have not been a bed of roses for us, but I doubt they are for other people too :)

So yea, from now on I will write my journey in planning my wedding under this headline: My Wedding Story.
And it will be scheduled to be published on 15th, 16th, 17th and the rest of May 2015.

Wish me all the best! :)


-Because life is a test-


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com