Saturday, December 5, 2020

Starting Work in Two Days Time, Oh The Anxiety!


I've only been able to properly sit down in front of a computer past one week or so, hence the long hiatus. 
Before entering Masters programme, we need to clear off our annual leaves, since we are technically leaving KKM and entering KPM hence our KKM annual leaves cant be used anymore. 

I had 26 days left, used 22 of them and took the last 3 weeks of November off.
My last day of working was 4th Nov! 

I'm gonna leave the whole story of my moving into KL and renovating and decorating the house in another post and focus on my work in this. 

My new work/study spot! No I didn't bother tidying them up for the photo because I'm lazy liddat. 

My uni intake was on the 1st of Dec so I thought I will start working in my training hospital on either the 1st or 2nd. But boy was I wrong. The university orientation programme took the whole week, but the best thing is, they are all done online!

So it's a first of Work-From-Home experience for me. Mana ada (clinical) doktor yang can WFH, cannot touch-touch patient through screen ma. Too bad Akmal's were online only for the first session. All the subsequent sessions required him to go to the university hospital (Don't tell him but I suspect his programme coordinator is a typical boomer, because he actually had to go there to JOIN the ZOOM meeting while students from other programme stays home. Blergh, and weird!)

So my first day in the hospital is this coming Monday, Dec 7th.
And I was added into the roster request WA group since mid-Nov! Bapak scary. 
And I'm gonna be oncall on the 10th, that's only like my 4th day in the hospital! 


I'm so anxious to resume work after one month, dh la tu in a new environment, with a different title plk tu - "Masters Student".
Scary weyh, nanti org expect kau tau but you don't. Nanti kena tempelak or sarcasm camne?
Or what if they expect so low of me because I come from a small district hospital? 

One of my dear friend advised me, and I am going to heed this, 

"Doa byk2
Psycho diri ko 1st yr ni memang susah
Org look down
Byk benda xtaw
Expect the worst "

Mcm scary kan advise dia?
But I think I have to hold on to that now. 

I am scared dapat big case and I can't handle it. 
I've never done AAA open repair in my prev hospital, we wheel them off to the nearest tertiary centre. 
I've never used the Level-1 blood transfusion machine before. 
I am not that efficient in TIVA yet. I've never done anaesthesia for respi procedures before. 
What if I get these types of cases and I can't handle them on my own? 

"Apa kau belajar kt district ni?"
- Agak2 will I get this kind of insensitive, derogatory remark?

Akmal said, "Lek lek dlu awal2 ni. Jangan perform sangat. Nanti kalau perform awal2 ni, lepas ni merudum camne? Buat bodo2 dlu, lepas tu baru perform"

Ha amek, that's from a man's point of view. Lek lek dlu~

Ok, I think I rant enough for the day. 
I am hoping to read this back sometime in the future and laugh at myself, just like how I laughed (but completely still resonate with) at my pre-HO anxiety. 

 -Because life is a test- 


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