A Smack Right THERE

My exam is next weeeeeek!
My exam is next weeeeeek!

No matter how many times or how loud I shouted that my exam will STILL come next week. So I think from now on, I'll shout that to myself, to remind me that "my exam is next weeeeek!"

Just now, I was practising clinical skills with Ah Kiew and suddenly she said,

"Tomorrow will be our last CSU practice, and today we are still blurr blurr. Our exam is next week you knowww!!"

I have to admit, her sentence gave a big blow to me.
I didn't notice that.
Yea, the exam is next week; and tomorrow is my last scheduled clinical skills practice.
Everything should be on the tips of my fingers, or like Dr. Annie Tay said, "they should be at the back of my hand"
But they are still not.
SO now, I am really focusing on my clinical skills note, with the determination to be as serious, as "pro" and as confident I can during the practice tomorrow.

But I wonder, can I make a 360-degree change, in one night?
*sigh*

-Because life is a test-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

Studying With Them Siblings

The mid-year exam for schools is ongoing now and because of that, the "study area" in my house has been occupied by all of my still-schooling siblings, and me. We sit in a row, everyone on their own table. And occasionally, my form 4 sister asks me Add Maths, and my form 3 brother asks her History or any other PMR subjects. I love this feeling, of studying alongside your siblings :)

I will definitely miss this moment when I go oversea later.
And I proudly find my brother amazing! He has such piercing questions coming out from his mind, especially when he reads History.
He questioned,

Why did Parameswara kill Temagi; the ruler who saved him in Temasik, just to run from the Siamese later?

This was the exact same Q I asked before.

And how on earth do the historians know that the Paleolithic people do not have religions? How do they know that these people bowed to sun, stars, and trees? We know since Adam's time, there are some God-believing human populations in the world.

Ok. Back to study.

-Because life is a test-


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

As The Exam Gets Nearer

As the exam gets nearer, the more disoriented I become.
There are a lot of things to be read, but there are also a lot of things that I have read, and even more things that I can't remember reading.

So the next thing I did was either: 1) abandon everything and go watch movie/video/tv or 2)indulge in a freak out session on my desk or 3)recompose myself and start reading again.

Nakbah Convoy
Today is also the convoy day in remembrance of the Palestinian.
It starts from Masjid Wilayah in KL and ends in Shah Alam.
Sadly, I am unable to join it :(
VPM was even sponsoring the petrol cost for the participants.
I can't bear the feeling of guilt if I did join the convoy.

I've been studying reproductive hormones since high school and I STILL can't remember their exact functions. Progesterone and oestrogen, they sounded almost the same!
Cuba la if one is named progesterone and another as triceratops for example, I think it'll be easier to remember their individual actions.

Ok. Back to study.

-Because life is a test-


-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

The Water Bottle

I find that my attention span is quite short, especially when my laptop is switched on. I suspected this disability of concentrating few days ago. Since then, I tried to time myself. I put a 15 minute timer, and forced myself to read; without being distracted. No toilet visit, no mouse scrolling, no typing and most importantly, no dozing off. And I found that 15 mins unbearably long. *sigh*

Every Student Has Their Own Way of Dying....of Study

I have some Architecture friends, who complained of being almost killed by their projects, models and assignments.
Eben during A Levels I saw that they lives are infiltrated by art and drawings!
And what more when they are taking degree, the amount of the projects, tripled or perhaps quadrupled.
So yea, Architecture students swim in their projects and models.

Engineering friends hmmmm...I dont have many.
Those that I have do not tell their study lives to me.
So I do not really know.

Pharmacy students?
I think they are being killed by their lab sessions and reports.

Medical students?
Well...Since the course is divided into two; theory and clinical and I am still in my theory years, I'd say we are killed by the amount of things to be read!

We don't have many labs (in fact the lab sessions we had can be counted by fingers), neither do we have many projects (thank God!).
We just have kilos of books to be swallowed.
How I hope the infos can just diffuse into my head like osmosis, from high concentration to low concentration *sigh*

When I get to the clinical years, maybe the challenges will be something else.
Readings AND clinical AND sleep deprivation perhaps?

So yea, every students have their own way of being (almost) killed.
(I'm OBVIOUSLY exaggerating here)

So let us find our own weaponries and fight against these murderers!
=.="

Why "The Water Bottle"?
Nothing. I ran out of idea of a post title.
*swt*

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

The Fluctuating Iman Pt 2

Click here for Part 1

And so, IMU was a real cultural challenge for me.
And to know that I am still in Malaysia, made it worse.

I am not saying that the people making up IMU community are of bad ones. No no no...
It's just that there are more types of people in IMU than there are in INTEC, where I completed my A Levels.
With more types of people, you're bound to see more types of habits, attitudes, and moral.
Of course, there are very good, good, moderate, and bad people in both IMU and INTEC.
But since my circle of friends in INTEC was smaller, I didn't see much variations.

So, back to the fluctuating iman.

When we are in the circle of good people, we tend to be good.
Not because we're hypocrite, but because there are less distractions and seductions.
We do not see the "pleasure" of bad things.
We became complacent in our own world, the world where all our good friends are in.

When we are instead put in an environment where bad things are considered a norm, sooner or later, subconsciously or purposely, you adapted, and blended in.
And the things that once you see as gross, became "hurm..biasalaaa" things to you.

Could that be due to the fluctuating levels of our iman?
Could it be that our iman was not strong enough in the first place, that when we are faced with just a little challenge, we were shaken?

Or are we SUPPOSED to be shaken, and then realised we're not supposed to and start putting our feet on the correct ground again, firmer than they were?

Whichever works for you, and for me, I hope will turn us into better people.

And sad to say, my level of iman has been fluctuating, very greatly lately.
I am scared.

Perhaps that is why usrah is there. To maintain us, in that circle of friends.
But sometimes I wonder, we can't always choose our circle of friends.
Only occasionally can we choose the environment we are in; so if we are not equipped, to be in a different circle, aren't we in danger?

So, if you really want to stop smoking, you either be very strong and be able to say no to your smoking friends, or stop befriending them.
-this is a public service message-

-THE END-

But before leaving this blog, watch this!
Atikah posted this on fb, a video that reminded her of our housemates in INTEC.
How I miss them. :(
Akmar, Atikah, Ain and Fatin.
Malaysia, India, Ireland and Manchester.
That's like thousand miles away from each other!



-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

The Fluctuating Iman

When I was in INTEC, someone (I forgot who) told me,

The Prophet's iman in always there, and strong.
The sahabahs' (people around the Prophet) iman fluctuate, but still strong nevertheless.
Our iman on the other hand, has a greater amplitude and frequency of fluctuations.
Sometimes, our iman level is vry high, sometimes it gets a bit low and sometimes, it is very low. Some other times, it almost vanished!

At that point of time, I didn't really understand it.
I mean, I did not expect it to be able to fluctuate, THAT much.
I think it was because of my living environment in INTEC.
I lived with good friends, my housemates were religious people, not to say I was unreligious, but I admit I have a lot of things to learn from them.

And so, the fluctuations were not of that high amplitude and frequency.
I was protected, from almost all possible directions.

Then, I entered IMU and was separated from my INTEC housemates.
And the environment changed; I saw, felt and faced more challenges and tests.
Sometimes I failed, I succumbed, sometimes I think I triumphed over them.

And undeniably, my level of iman did, fluctuate.
What happened when it was at its lowest?
Let's not talk abt it, it'll stay within me forever.

In INTEC, I spent a lot of time in hostel than in class.
Even when we were in campus, the surroundings are of good ones; decent people, few distractions and seductions and I hv to say, the restrictions by Cikgu Hasan; the SAD head towards our activities did in a way helped to protect us from the "world outside".

-to be continued-

p/s: the writer is struggling for her final exam. No time to write much.. heh..

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com