The (TRUE) First Day of Work

Assalammualaikum! 

Today is my real first day of work, since yesterday the closest and the only time I got to a patient was manually bagging a child while my new colleague gas him to sleep. I spent the first half of the day mostly by waiting; waiting for the admin clerk, wait for them again, then again. Then waited to see the consultant in charge of us, then a bit at the ICT department, then a bit longer at the Security Unit to get our ID card done (yep, they took pic there and then and yep also, as predicted - I didn't look like how I pictured myself smiling to the camera)

| Today |

I was in charge of E2 today ie the Emergency OT mainly for Orthopaedics cases. Lawak gler, I didn't know the semi-e case that my colleagues posted in the WhatsApp grp yesterday was meant to be my first case this morning. So I kinda ignored the patient, and the Sp at the patient's bed! 

She called me to give plan about the patient, I didn't even know she is my Specialist; hence I almost did not want to come to her. Then she introduced herself, and I smacked myself in my brain. Nasib baik dia tak garang. 

So my first and ONLY case was an acetabular fracture plating. Quite straightforward case - not much bleeding, the Sp induced with me and she allowed the HO to intubate with me standing by. 

After that, even though we had a long list, none can be called because all COVID RTKs were still pending 😑

| Premed |

After lunch and Zuhr, I went for premed. I had to premed only two surgical patients; but was delayed because 1) No OTMS yet, and 2) Deym Purple Code.

Purple Code is the code activated during the transfer of a positive COVID patient - hence the whole corridor needed to be cleared off staff and patients and visitors. So I was trapped and cannot go to the ward I wanted to. 

Only two patients; but I already feel very exhausted by the end of it. I think I am getting old (myself 10 years from now will snort at this remark. Kalau hidup lagi la)

| Balik Rumah |

It took me about 25mins only to reach home, including the time taken to refuel my car. Not bad eh? The jam has not started when I leave hence the short travel time. 

Tapi sampai rumah je, I felt so sleepy, I feel like going to sleep. 

Gone, gone is my plan to study. Even now, I am supposed to be studying but instead, I am writing my blog 😒

So I am ending this now, gotta go wash my face and kunun-kunun do the 100 Korean skin care steps and sleep early to go to work tomorrow. 

-Because life is a test- 

 -AkMaR- 

Starting Work in Two Days Time, Oh The Anxiety!

Assalammualaikum!

I've only been able to properly sit down in front of a computer past one week or so, hence the long hiatus. 

Before entering Masters programme, we need to clear off our annual leaves, since we are technically leaving KKM and entering KPM hence our KKM annual leaves cant be used anymore. 

I had 26 days left, used 22 of them and took the last 3 weeks of November off.

My last day of working was 4th Nov! 

I'm gonna leave the whole story of my moving into KL and renovating and decorating the house in another post and focus on my work in this. 

My new work/study spot! No I didn't bother tidying them up for the photo because I'm lazy liddat. 

My uni intake was on the 1st of Dec so I thought I will start working in my training hospital on either the 1st or 2nd. But boy was I wrong. The university orientation programme took the whole week, but the best thing is, they are all done online!

So it's a first of Work-From-Home experience for me. Mana ada (clinical) doktor yang can WFH, cannot touch-touch patient through screen ma. Too bad Akmal's were online only for the first session. All the subsequent sessions required him to go to the university hospital (Don't tell him but I suspect his programme coordinator is a typical boomer, because he actually had to go there to JOIN the ZOOM meeting while students from other programme stays home. Blergh, and weird!)

So my first day in the hospital is this coming Monday, Dec 7th.

And I was added into the roster request WA group since mid-Nov! Bapak scary. 

And I'm gonna be oncall on the 10th, that's only like my 4th day in the hospital! 

| THE ANXIETY |

I'm so anxious to resume work after one month, dh la tu in a new environment, with a different title plk tu - "Masters Student".

Scary weyh, nanti org expect kau tau but you don't. Nanti kena tempelak or sarcasm camne?

Or what if they expect so low of me because I come from a small district hospital? 

One of my dear friend advised me, and I am going to heed this, 

"Doa byk2
Psycho diri ko 1st yr ni memang susah
Org look down
Byk benda xtaw
Expect the worst "

Mcm scary kan advise dia?

But I think I have to hold on to that now. 

I am scared dapat big case and I can't handle it. 

I've never done AAA open repair in my prev hospital, we wheel them off to the nearest tertiary centre. 

I've never used the Level-1 blood transfusion machine before. 

I am not that efficient in TIVA yet. I've never done anaesthesia for respi procedures before. 

What if I get these types of cases and I can't handle them on my own? 

"Apa kau belajar kt district ni?"

- Agak2 will I get this kind of insensitive, derogatory remark?

Akmal said, "Lek lek dlu awal2 ni. Jangan perform sangat. Nanti kalau perform awal2 ni, lepas ni merudum camne? Buat bodo2 dlu, lepas tu baru perform"

Ha amek, that's from a man's point of view. Lek lek dlu~

Ok, I think I rant enough for the day. 

I am hoping to read this back sometime in the future and laugh at myself, just like how I laughed (but completely still resonate with) at my pre-HO anxiety. 

 -Because life is a test- 

 

Preparing For A New Home

Assalammualaikum!

Source: [Instagram]

So I mentioned I will be moving back to KL soon.

And I have found a house, well it is my mother's other house to be exact, and it is in the same housing area as my mum's so yeah, dduk balik almost bawah ketiak mak. 

Anyway, I have been imagining having my own house and being able to decorate it with love and passion and whatever, and now I get to do it! Akmal and I already own a house but we can't stay there yet because we have our own jobs and they are not in the state we are in so long story cut short, I can't really decorate that house because we are not going to stay there yet. 

I've also not been able to decorate this house nor my previous house in Putrajaya because well, they are rented and I don't feel stable enough to decorate them, as we might move out anytime. 

So this time, it is almost perfect 💓

It's my mum's house, which means I can do whatever I want, the house might be handed to me anyway and we'll be staying there for at least 4 years (that's the minimum time for a Masters programme). 

All I can think about now is how to decorate the house. 

I am thinking of the colours of the wall, should I install wainscoting and if I do, do I want to do it myself or hire someone to do them? I also want an accent wall but that's a bit too much to DIY, but a bit too extravagant to hire an interior deco.

Accent Wall: [Source]

Wainscoting: [Source: Facebook Hafis Ishak]

Master Bedroom | I am thinking of putting an accent wall on my bedhead, but I wonder if it will make the already small room looks even smaller. I want a King-sized bed, which might make the room even smaller. I already worry if there will be space for us to pray in the room. I already own a 8x8' wardrobe, and I wish I have the money to buy a new, more modern looking dressing table.  

Kitchen | The previous owner already built a kitchen top without the shelves, but they are green. Algae green, not emerald green. And I don't like it. Even the floor tiles are the pale green colour. It cost too much for me to overhaul the cabinet and the floor so I plan to put on some wallpaper to the kitchen top and live with the green tiles. Sew or hire someone to sew a curtain for the exposed kitchen cabinet. I also want to paint one of the kitchen wall emerald green, making it a feature wall and make the kitchen brighter. 

Living Room | We are buying a new sofa yes! I want to make our living room blue + white so I really hope we can find a sofa that suits both our budget and my theme. I wish to buy a new TV console too, this time with a drawer so that we can chuck things inside and make the living room looks more tidy. 

Dining Area | There is a small dining area in between the kitchen and the living room, but it is right in front of the toilet door. I hope I can decorate this area to look modern and chic and minimalist. We already have a big glass dining table, but no suitable dining chairs. One dining chair cost at least RM200 so if I want to buy 6 chairs, that is RM1200 there already. 

What I should be Doing Now

Not waste my time on trivial matters. 

I really should start writing them down; my budget, the paint codes, the designs I want etc, instead of just having them in my mind, abstract. 

Maybe this is the best time to resuscitate my dead BuJo.

I shall name it "Project Home" 😁

'til then,

-Because Life is A Test-

My First Awake Fibre-Optic Intubation

Assalammualaikum!

I came home two days ago super thrilled! Can't even wait till we get to the diner before blurting everything out to Akmal once I got into the car. 

Excited sgt, belanja gmbr Captain Ri satu.

There was a patient scheduled for an emergency operation and he was 180kg!

He very likeyly has severe OSA based on his STOPBANG score and that itself is a big big risk for intubation and general anaesthesia.

Dr Rey was there and she decided for Awake FibreOptic Intubation (AFOI), I was actually manning the OR next door when I peeped into the OR at the right time and was offered to do the AFOI instead!

Non-anaesthesia trainee might not know this but awake fibre-optic intubation is a very important, advanced airway skills that we must have. I've observed it multiple times before but never did it myself. I've even paid hundreds of ringgits late last year for the Beyond Basic Airway course and already practised multiple times on mannequins but never on an awake human being. 

The procedure requires us to insert the endotracheal tube into the patient's airway while the patient is AWAKE and mildly sedated and instead of using laryngoscopes and our bare hands, we use a fibreoptic scope with camera attached. We insert the scope into the patient's nose or mouth (in my case, it was the nose) and manipulate the end of the scope to slide down the patient's throat, into the major airways until we see the carina ie where the trachea diverges into two. 

A random picture of AFOI I found on the Internet. A still cut of a [YouTube video]

I had my first CVL a few weeks before I left the hospital I completed my housemanship, my first CSE a few weeks after starting in this hospital and my first AFOI not long before I leave this hospital for my Masters study. Isn't this just great?

I wish I can master this AFOI skills soon. 

Masters life, please be nice to me. 

-Because life is a test-

KL, I'm coming Home!

Nti akan rindu dorg ni. Team ICU Raya; Kak Salmi, Anis, Kak Kama, Sharmine and Me

Assalammualaikum.

Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. 

I got accepted into MMed Anaes ie the Masters programme for Anaesthesiology ie a 4-year programme to be a Specialist. So in December, I can add "Anaesthetist in the making" in my profile section 😋

The exam was last December, and the result was supposed to be released in April and intake in June. However, due to the COVID disruption, they postponed the intake and released the results in July, for December intake. My husband got in too! I was offered UM and him UKM. Alhamdulillah, both of us in Klang Valley and no LDR involved 😁 

And I am thrilled that I will be moving back to KL. 

I am a KL girl, no doubt.

I like it here in this small town, people are friendly, roads are not busy and most of the necessities are near. But I never realised how much I missed KL until now. 

I want to find all those libraries again, study in an open space again and shop at big complexes again.

The catch? Well, I'll be spending more (read: saving less) and the traffic!

I remember being super excited when I graduated Med School, so optimistic about the future as a doctor, and telling everyone "Heyyy I am a doctor!". Then I started my gruesome housemanship, saw my juniors convocation pictures; them being super excited being able to call themselves doctor and told myself, "Haaahaha, korg igt dh grad means akan jadi doktor ke? Tggu la, korg belum rasa lagi "kedoktoran" yg sebenar"

Then I finished my HO-ship and was super excited yeayyay dh jadi MO. 

4 years down the line, then tgk my juniors2 plk excited jadi MO - and thought to myself Haaahaha dlu aku excited camtu jugak. Junior MO belum apa2 lagi, jgn meroyan sgt. 

So now I am excited that I am accepted into this programme, tapi mesti bila dh bertahun2 nti, insyaAllah if ada panjang umur utk baca balik blog ni, mesti mcm "Haaaahaa excited giler dlu eh. Tak sedor struggle nye macam mana buat Masters ni"

So yes, that's why sekarang ni mcm nak excited giler but tak berani, kena control skit. 

Ok and I realised this post is so rojak already but biar lah. 

Registration in December, and now bosses dh start tanya "Akmar dh start study?"

Ayat Dr John lagi la, "One year tak ckup nk study, and you only have two months extra. U should start study now. I finished West Respi book 3 times even before I msuk Masters"

#terusrasainadequate

Argh stress.

Tak habis2 kena study. 

-Because life is a test-

Hiatus

Restoran Ole-Ole Bali, IOI City Mall

Assalammualaikum.

5 months since my last post. 

I was overwhelmed with this SARI COVID thing - managing SARI ICU, fighting with Medical and ED almost all the time due to the ridiculously low threshold of "SARI patients". 

Then I just lost the enthusiasm of blogging. Even my bullet journal went down the drain. 

I simply lived my life. 

And then 31st July came - Hari Arafah.

And that was the day of Masters result!

And Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, I got into MMed Anes and my husband into MMed Radiology.

The registration is in December so I have about 2 months left here, to pack my stuff and get my new house ready. 

Yes, plenty of time. 

I hope I won't procrastinate until I suddenly find I have no time to pack and move house!

Today I decided to kindle the blogging fire in me. 

Well, maybe not fire - somewhere there. 

So I bought myself a RM68 Blogger theme! Gila betul. 

The last one felt too "Blogger", like a famous-blogger-kind-of-theme.

And I felt superficial with it. 

So I bought this one, cleaner - but perhaps not worth the money. 

But whatever lah. 

Hope this theme lasts long.

Perhaps I should start joining giveaways. 

-Because life is a test-

Crazy Covid

Assalammualaikum.

A very short entry today.
I've been very busy since Covid pandemic.
We are going full force, getting ready for the third wave.
And donning doffings to attend PUI patients are no joke.

I sweat litres every day, gulped down 500mls water in one go and still does not PU as often.
I don't have time to read people's blogs, what more sit down and write my own.

Let's all pray all of us come out of this war unscathed 💪🙏

#stayhome
#staysafe


Lots of love,
Akmar

ICU Oncall Diary

Assalamualaikum.

Disclaimer: This post is going to be very medical-jargons studded. It's my MO Diary anyway. 😆😆

Nisaq, Insyirah, Me, Diana on our way back from peri rounds. 

Yesterday I had a tiring ICU call.

My First Lumbar Puncture

I did a lumbar puncture for a suspected meningoencephalitis patient and truth be told, this is the first time I performed a lumbar puncture for a non-surgical patient.

Yes, I can do spinal anaesthesia with one eye closed, and anatomically spinal anaesthesia and a lumbar puncture are the exact same thing.
But for spinal anaesthesia, the patient is sitting up straight and I have the luxury of it being in a controlled situation although at times I really need to be quick (eg in fetal distress cases) while in a lumbar puncture, patients are in the lateral position (imagine lying down by your side, cuddling your own knees). Obviously, the challenges are different.

I attempted twice at the lumbar puncture - first using the 22G Spinocan that the Medical team already has. I can't feel the give classically described as I pierce the layers using the Spinocan hence I requested the Pencan needle I've always used from the OT.

I succeeded in my first attempt with Pencan; but since the needle diameter is smaller ie 27G; the Medical MO had to stay longer to collect adequate CSF samples into small bottles to send to the lab. Haks, sorry pal.

The Difficult Ventilation Patient

My first referral of the day was at around 4.30pm.
It was a gentleman with severe pneumonia; and the ED instead of the usual Medical team referred him to me. They could not ventilate the patient - that shows just how bad the lungs were. The highest saturation was only 93% despite 100% oxygen.

We brought the patient into ICU and then my nightmare started. It was so difficult to maintain his saturation - this basically means the lung condition is so bad that we have to tailor our machine to give such high pressure to make sure adequate oxygen reaches his lungs so that it can then go into his brain, heart, and kidney. If we can't oxygenate him, we worry about the effects on his brain. He might not be able to wake up even if he survives this ordeal.

I did not sleep at night, kept requesting for ABGs, listening to his lungs, monitoring his urine output and cracking my brain on what to do. While fighting my tiredness and sleepiness at night, I then remembered my night houseman. Anaesthesia don't have many house officers and consequently, they are not available all the time. Sometimes when they are on leave, post night, etc, only the MOs are working and we are okay with that - we are independant like that.

My Houseman

But that night, my houseman slept through the night while I wake up every hour to check on my most critically ill patient. He was sleeping in another room and really there was not much I can ask him to do even if I wake him up. So I just let him be. Even the nurses did not call him to inform any abnormalities, they called me straight away and I prefer it that way.

That got me thinking, I used to spend the night sleeping too during my time as an Anaesthesia house officer. And the nurses did not call me too.
Did my MO also sleep through the night that time? They didn't call me at night either.
Did they think I was useless as well? Were the patients during my one month in ICU stable most of the time or did I not recognise they were ill and ignorantly went to sleep?

I shudder to think if it was the latter one.
Sorry, my MOs.

Shattered 

I went home after brunch, slept and woke up 5 hours later 😅😅
But despite this tiredness, I enjoyed the call - because I passed over to Dr Rey 😍 and she always made my day brighter even it was a tiring day.

'til then

The 2019-nCov

Assalammualaikum.

[Source]

As a doctor, I can't help but keeping myself updated with the progress and spread of this newly found coronavirus.

I am not one who loudly and consistently advocates people on social media, unlike the big names in the country like Dr Amalina, Dr Rafidah, Dr Ben Rusani, Dr Rusyainie Ramli, Dr Musa Nordin, and many others. You can search for them on Facebook and Twitter and I strongly urge you to follow at least one of them on social media to get accurate and reliable information and sometimes, advice.

Even so, I can't stand irresponsible people creating fear, spreading fake news and belittling the Ministry of Health (MOH)'s effort in curbing this outbreak. The media is also not helping. They purposely put very catchy headlines, which may sometimes be misleading. They need you to click these headlines because when you click, they earn money.

Don't Worry, Malaysia IS Prepared

Even if you are not particularly proud of how Malaysia is doing in terms of media transparency or corruption rate or educational ranking or any other issue people might find with Malaysia, be it politically motivated or not, our healthcare system is actually something we can and should be proud of.

Did you know that Malaysia is ranked as one of the top countries when it comes to preparedness for a pandemic? Yes, a study was published in 2019 and they termed this "Epidemic Preparedness Index (EPI)". We are in Cluster 1; the highest possible cluster.

BMJ Global Health 2019

Another reputable assessment is by the Nuclear Threat Initiative (NTI) called The Global Health Security Index (GHSI) 2019 . It ranked Malaysia number 18 out of 195 countries; even beating Japan (21st) and Singapore (24th).

To make it even more obvious, Malaysia's index is at 62.2/100 while the world average is at 40.2/100 and high-income countries' average is 51.9/100.
That means we are even higher ranked than the average of high-income countries.

We have successfully dealt with the SARS outbreak, MersCov, Ebola outbreak and our very own Nipah outbreak in 1998/1999. Nipah was likely the most deadly of all, almost half of the infected patients die. We dealt with it successfully that time, and learned from the experience and became more prepared.

Formal, dry statistics aside, as someone who works in a government hospital, I know we have really good guidelines on curbing these infectious diseases.
Every year before the season of people start coming back from Hajj, lots of courses and workshops are done to remind and re-train everyone what to do in a suspected MersCov case. We have very specific guidelines and standard operating procedures to ensure we do the best and provide the safest care for the patient, other people and ourselves.

Even now, doctors and other allied healthcare personnel are being sent to Hospital Permai in Johor Bahru to help with the workload. Our hospital's Bilik Gerakan has already been activated. All the staff in ED are required to wear a surgical mask all the time.

How To Spot Fake News

Well, for one - fake news won't have fine details. Today I received a forwarded article, supposedly on a 22-year-old Indian national who died in Malaysia due to 2019-nCov. But the article didn't mention any comments from our top MOH speakers, neither did it mention in which hospital did the patient die in. The people who regularly update true statistics and findings are Dr Dzul, our health minister and Dr Hisham, our DG of Health. In fact, anyone who speaks on behalf of KKM can be trusted.

I believe the news to be fake but our KKM has not responded to it yet - I'll be waiting for the rebuttal.

Always ask, WHO? WHY? WHEN? HOW? to any news you came across.
If the article can't answer these questions; it is most likely fake so don't go spreading them. We don't want to end up like Zed Zaidi.

What is 2019 n-Cov?

Coronavirus is a family of viruses commonly found in animals such as cattle, camels, and bats. They usually cause the common cold and flu. 6 types of viruses have been known to infect humans, and this 2019 nCov is the seventh. MersCov and SARS are also under the coronavirus family. Read more on them from the CDC website.

How Does It Compare with Other Coronaviruses?

Well, for one it definitely is very contagious, even higher than Mers-Cov and in the same range with SARS. But it is less fatal.

[Source]

As of now, the death rate is 2.2% compared to SARS 9.6% and Nipah almost 50%. 

Why Is It So Hard To Get The Correct Statistics?

This outbreak is fairly new, numbers change every day - the number of people infected tomorrow will surely be more than yesterday and not necessarily in a predicted manner. There are still some cases that might not yet be diagnosed as 2019 nCov. That makes the total number of infected patients not yet very accurate.

So whatever data we have now, have to be interpreted with caution.

Why Is This Flu Might be Harder to Control than SARS?

This is due to the human-human transmission and the fact that people can be spreading this virus even when they are seemingly healthy.

During the SARS outbreak, patients who spread the virus are the ones who are already starting to fall ill hence it is easier to identify these patients; look for those with fever, cough, cold and isolate them from the crowd.

However, with this 2019 nCov, people who are still healthy are already spreading the virus, and then only they start to fall ill. That means, if you and I were exposed to anyone from Wuhan, China but is still feeling healthy now, we might already be spreading the virus to everyone near us before we even fall ill. Hence it's hard to identify people that are spreading the viruses.

That is one of the main reasons the Government has started to ban the entrance of Chinese tourists and foreign students from Wuhan, Hubei. They might all be carrying the virus and spreading them everywhere even though they are all perfectly healthy.

How Worried Should We Be? Should I Start Wearing Surgical Masks Outside?

My advice will be yes you can be worried but don't be panicked.
As Dr Mike stated again and again in his video, you should be ALERT, but NOT ANXIOUS.

Be alert with people around you, stay away from sick people; 6m away from coughing and sneezing person is safe.
Be alert with yourselves, routinely wash your hands with soap and don't touch your mouth, nose, and eyes unnecessarily; these are the routes the virus enters our body.

And no, I don't think we have to wear surgical masks yet in Malaysia.
We have only 8 cases positive so far and all those are Chinese citizens.

That means, if you are not at the place where there are a lot of Chinese citizens, especially those from Wuhan then you are unlikely to be infected with the virus. If you think you might be infected, please see the doctor and inform them early because every Govt facility has its own separate facility to isolate people with a suspected contagious disease.

Having said all these, I have to reiterate that these numbers are correct only at the time of writing and otherwise stated in the images. Should the situation change or we find that the 2019 nCov is more deadly than we thought it was - the advice might change rapidly.

Please keep yourself updated - follow KKM Twitter, Dr Musa Nordin on Twitter, Dr Noor Hisham and Dr Dzul both on Facebook and Twitter.

Let us all keep calm, keep ourselves and the people around us healthy.

Good global reading sources:
[WHO]
Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

How To Start Your Basic Bullet Journal

Assalammualaikum.
Hi dah-lings!

I got into this bullet journalling whole caboodle only recently; 16 days ago to be exact so kindly don't expect this post to be the ultimate guide to bullet journalling 😅😅

As I started blog walking, I noticed some bloggers wrote tips on bullet journalling and their experience doing it. At first, I couldn't be more disinterested but after I kept stumbling upon so many irresistibly cute images on Pinterest (which till now I haven't really gotten the hang of), I decided to actually learn bullet journalling, or BuJo as they call it.

I started reading the Bullet Journal official website tutorials and watched countless videos on YouTube on bullet journals, all during the time I was a passenger during our travel back to KL for hub's exam, 12th Jan to be exact. I watched so many videos and read so many articles in the moving car I almost become carsick.

During that journey, I became so inspired I even spent RM24.90 to buy 4 sets of Washi tapes from China which needed at least 14 days to arrive!

What Is A Bullet Journal?

If you have been using Notes or any equivalent note-taking apps, a period tracker app, an expense tracker app, a handwritten diary, some Stick-It Notes and multiple small pieces of paper you use to write a To-Do List and fold them and put it in your purse, then you might want consider a bullet journal.

A bullet journal combines all the above in one planner.
I love that it really gives you the freedom of making your own life schedule without having to worry about unused pages in the usual premade planners.
But, it will be so private that you should not lose it.

1. The Journal

Get yourself an affordable, nice planner. Most tutorials recommend a dot grid planner - that makes it easier to create straight lines and design stuff on it. But I would say if you have an unused planner that is not dotted grid, you should use that first before splurging into a new planner.

I am someone who won't necessarily stick to one obsession for long.
So I decided to use the Maybank planner my little sister Aisyah gave me one or two years back. It was still clean, untouched and the size was perfect for a bullet journal.

The only disadvantage is maybe the insides are not dotted but rather blank on one side and lined on the other - which certainly won't help my uncreativity.
I will most certainly buy a dotted grid planner if this bullet journal of mine works out well.

The Maybank Journal. I think this is a B5 sized planner

2. Pinterest Account

I relied so heavily on Pinterest for bullet journal designs. I became so inspired by all of them I almost forgot my own capability. How could people actually write those nice calligraphies?!

Really, just browse through Pinterest and pin those designs you like and suit your creativity and aptitude.

If you are hopeless in drawing a straight line without a ruler like me, then go for the simple yet practical designs.

3. Index

The Index is basically the "Table of Contents".
Some tutorials said an Index is not necessary for a bullet journal but I think it will help once my BuJo is filled with useful materials. I will need some sort of Index to help me browse through and quickly search for pages in my BuJo.

This is how my simple Index page looks like

I divided my Index into "Categories" and "Scheduling".

So, pages like "Travel Necessities" (which I really2 plan on writing) and "Period Trackers" will go under Categories while my "Future Logs", "Monthly Spread" or perhaps "Weekly Spread" will come under Scheduling.

Click here for my Index original header idea
Click here for the Index content idea

4. A Key Page

The Key page just helps you organise your planner more systematically so that you know what each symbol stands for.

My advice: don't create too many symbols or you will easily forget them.
I am a tick-box person, I find the original dot symbol for "Task" does not work for me. I like to see my task being ticked in a box as they are completed.

A real simple Key page. The header idea comes from Pinterest

5. Year Review Spread

A spread is two pages combined together (or at least that is how I understand it).
This spread is just the normal whole year view in almost all types of premade planners.

I spent a very long time drawing this 2020 Year Planner spread on my BuJo but I didn't regret it one bit.
I just wish I am better at doodlings so that I can make the pages look a lot more interesting and cute.

Hand-drawn, little by little

6. The Future Log

Future Log is also commonly found in most premade planners, just that they are not called Future Logs in those planners.
They are basically the page where the calendar is printed on and you can make notes for each month - that's Future Log.

This is how my Future Log looks like

My Future Log is also a simple one, easily drawn and written but I spent almost an hour perfecting the numbers and making sure I don't accidentally draw non-parallel lines.

While going through tutorials, most of the ideas are only design ideas.
They don't show what they really put on those pages - so here I am divulging a little bit of the content of my BuJo. I edited out some of the more private ones 😋

7. Customise Your Own BuJo

There are so many other pages that you can create in your BuJo to suit your life scheduling.
Some recommend monthly spread and weekly spread.

I did try a monthly spread for January, and will most probably do it again for February but I'll have to see if I want to continue doing it for the subsequent months. This is probably what I love most about BuJo - it gives you total freedom of what you want to incorporate into your planner.

There are many tutorials for daily log; or daily planner (the non BuJo language).
I find daily log useful but I can't stick to writing on my BuJo daily so I skip many days.
I still wonder when do BuJo-ians actually write their daily logs.
Do people actually have time to plan their day before their day actually started?
Or do they plan the night before?

As of now, I start writing my daily log mid-day and have written only 3 daily logs.

Daily Log

Above is how one of my daily logs look like.
If you notice, I used the dot symbol for my Tasks on Jan 20th but changed to the tick boxes on Jan 21st because I don't like how my completed tasks look like without the tick boxes.

This is my January Spread. Click here for the original Pinterest image

My January spread is also known as the January dashboard simply because the Pinterest idea I got it from called it a dashboard.

I spent a long time drawing these boxes, I might not use this design again for February but this is one of the simplest designs since it incorporates only boxes and shades and I am awful in doodling and calligraphy.

The headers should actually read 3 Things To Do In Jan, Books to Read, Notes, Events and Next Month but because my handwriting in those boxes was bad, I re-shaded them all black and am just waiting for it to dry up and rewrite those headers.

Since I can't seem to write daily logs but still have things that I must do within that week, I created this modified weekly spread. It doesn't look like the weekly spreads they show in Pinterest but since this is my BuJo, I'll design my own pages to suit my own scheduling.

My modified weekly spread

8. A Saviour

My kayu hands cannot keep up with drawing and designing.
Even a heart symbol will look asymmetry in my hands and a circle will end up an oval.

If you notice, most of my designs are straight lines and thus, the triangle-shaped ruler (the professional name for it is a set square) is one of the most important pieces of equipment in my arsenal.

Triangle-shaped ruler 

I bought the set for only RM3.90 from Popular Bookstore. It also comes with a protractor which I don't need. The set square was my knight in shining armour while I was drawing my January dashboard, what more with one side of my planned page is blank. I can't afford to have lines with unequal distances between them.

I wrote "At least 1 blog post" as my task for this week but it seems I accomplished two! I love this sense of achievement 😆
Now I just hope that I can stick with this planner for a long time and get my life more organised.
I am hitting 30 this year, I should be more organised and prim and proper and whatever lah.

Perhaps I will write more about my experiences with BuJo in the future. I already feel some disadvantages with it and now am looking for ways to overcome them. I even created a new blog tag; Bullet Journal. Let's hope the tag gets filled with good posts :)

'til then


-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

What Coming From A Multiracial Family Means

Assalammualaikum :)

Photo by Humphrey Muleba on Unsplash

My mother is a Chinese who reverted to Islam during her teen years when my grandmother married my Muslim step-granddad and took her back to live with them. She lived with her auntie before that so she grew up with her cousins - now I call them Ee Ee.

She then married my Malay father and the rest was history.

Two Major Celebrations Every Year

Naturally, I celebrate both Hari Raya and Chinese New Year every year.

During Hari Raya Aidilfitri, I used to go back to Kuantan where my maternal grandma lives, but now she lives in Kota Damansara - it's so near mum's house that I don't call it balik kampung anymore.

On CNY, we go back to Penang - that's where my Ah Ma and Ee Ees live.
Ah Ma unfortunately passed away in 2007 at the age of 92 during my first week in INTEC 😞😞.
Bless her, she's such a nice soul, always asking if I ate enough even though she barely recognised me due to her Alzheimer.

My Big Family; CNY 2020

Taking Long Leaves during Festive Seasons

When I was a houseman, even getting leaves for Hari Raya was hard enough, what more getting leaves during CNY. Before housemanship, I was studying in the UK so I often missed CNY celebrations too.
Consequently I missed CNY for many years already and it has always troubled me.

But since 3 years ago, Alhamulillah I managed to get at least 2 days of CNY leaves.
It is important for me to get long leaves as I am now working in a hospital in the southern part of Malaysia while my Ees stay in Penang - that's a 10 hour drive from where I live. Bruh!

I feel bad that my colleagues need to work extra hard during those times I take leave but I do bring them some cookies in return :)

Spending Twice as Much Money Every Year

It's official. I am working, and I am married.
That means in both cultures; I must give out duit raya 😫😫
It's putting a dent in my purse during every Raya and CNY.

I used to get duit raya twice a year when I was a kid, but now I have to give twice a year.
The weight of the trouble my mum faced since ages ago suddenly dawned upon me.
I've always known that she had to give duit raya twice too, but I didn't realise the extent of the expenses.
Now I made sure hubs prepares more duit raya during Aidilfitri 😆 There are more little cousins on his side anyway.

And travelling expenses is no joke. My Mazda 2 tank emptied after travelling from around Tangkak to Juru. And the toll fare was more than RM60 one way, depending on which entrance I get into PLUS Highway from.

Being Part of Two Different Cultures

This might be my most treasured perk.
Mostly I live the Malay Muslim's way of life, but I absorbed a lot of Chinese ways too.

I enjoy the celebration during Aidilfitri and Aidiladha, the sweet sufferings of Ramadhan, but also the sweetness of Chap Goh Mei (Chinese Valentine) and the hardwork during Cheng Beng / Qing Ming (the grave cleaning day).

I eat spicy food like a Queen but I can't live without plain soups (hubs call it air rebusan ayam. Yes, because Chinese soups usually tak letak spices).

I salam and cium tangan (shake and kiss the hands) with the Elders during Raya or Malay house visits, and call the Elders to respect and acknowledge them during Chinese home visits.

I enjoy dodol and also tangyuan.
I pray 5 times a day, I pray Solat Raya when I can but I also helped my Ees fold those yellow prayer papers and observe her burning them in the metal barrel.
I see my Ees burning incense with teary eyes for my late Ah Ma, while me and siblings read the Yasin next to her coffin - praying whaever we can so that her sufferings are reduced.

My mother's Malay family is also technically a 50/50 Chinese + Malay family while my father's side is more of the Indonesian Malay culture.
Hence I only start to experience the true Malaysian Malay culture after I got married to Akmal; and he's part Bugis.
Through him I was introduced to burasak and pakloi, and ikan parang (OMG so boney but so tasty).

This year I brought my in laws with me for CNY since they also wanted to visit Penang

I resonate with both the Malays and the Chinese pledges; and I really hate it when people try to play the racism card; especially when politics are concerned.

I think we all must try to live happily, tolerating and accepting each others strengths and weaknesses.

I can say that coming from a multiracial background helped me becoming a better person, being able to always relate things to my experience.
And multiracial offsprings are usually more intelligent too; hakss..

Do you have your own multiracial stories to tell?
I am eager to read about them!

'til then!

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com

What I Should Write About

Assalammualaikum.

Even though I started blogging since 2007, it wasn't until recently that I know where I am going with this blog.

| An Online Journal |
I initially started the blog as an online diary - very private stuff at first and then becoming a little bit lighter, but an online diary nonetheless.

I find I didn't attract many readers in the earlier parts of my blog writing - only my friends read my blog and sometimes commented.
Sometimes I was okay with that - I find solace in writing and I didn't mind people not reading them but sometimes I wasn't - I wished I have more readers and subscribers.
My life definitely wasn't as interesting as Vivy's 😂😂

Reading back my posts from 2007, they were all so precious and memorable.
I am editing most of them now (putting in some pictures to make them more compatible with my new layout) but I am trying really hard not to correct the grammatical errors the 17-year-old me wrote.

I wrote about my first few days in IMU - how I perhaps felt intimidated and exposed with the people and the environment of a private university, coming fresh from a Government-run college.
They might not be interesting to blog readers - but reading them again made me relive those memories and I am glad I wrote them.

| Beauty Tips |
Reading other people's blogs over the years landed me a conclusion - beauty tips sell.
Reviews on makeups, cleansers, facial masks, etc will garner more attention than a post on a boring day in college or at work.

But I am no beautician. I don't even have flawless skin - my skin is at its worst breakout time now that even my inattentive husband noticed them. How could I ever write beauty tips?

I also have my training to be blamed for this: it has been drilled into me - if in doubt, consult a specialist in that area.
Hip fractures? See an orthopaedic, don't come to an Anaesthetist.
Abdominal pain? Either Gynae or surgical.
Persistent nosebleed? ENT.

So naturally, I feel only beauticians should give beauty tips, or at least beautiful people, those blessed with flawless skin and know how to keep them. Or those with not-flawless skin but knows how to hide them well. Unfortunately, I am far from it.
So, no beauty tips from me. The same goes for fashion tips. Uh-oh, bye-bye.

| Experiences and Opinions |

After giving it much thoughts, I find I like to write events I experience so that I can read them back many years. I also like to give opinions even though no one asked me to - I am kehpochi like that.

So I decided to write on my worthy experiences and sometimes unpopular opinions - although I really need to cut my writing short, I tend to write a long lengthy post.
In years to come, I can read them all back and revive those memories.
I also hope along the way, some readers might find them useful or interesting.

| My Resolution |

I should be more concise and focused.
I shall spend more time writing and perfecting my writing so that readers don't stop halfway bored.
I shall read more books to expand my vocab and flourish my writing skills.

I hope I will be a better person, and a better writer as time passes.

'til then!

-Akmar-


-Because Life is A Test-

My Blogging Journey

Assalammualaikum.
Hye lovelies.

I started blogging around November 2007, when I was in A-Levels.
At that time blogging was just becoming a trend and I was excited to join the whole shebang.
I used the INTEC computer library a lot at that time, the computers were new and fast, the environment was nice - they were all good times.

At first, I intended for the blog to be a space I write about my day, my thoughts and interests; an online diary of some sort. I didn't even announce my blog to any of my family or friends (I didn't know how to, even. Remember, there was no FB / Ig/ Twitter yet).

My first reader was perhaps Raymond Tan, my high school friend.
At that time he was my go-to man for any computer or IT problems.
There were no comments on my blog posts, and I don't even know if people read my blog and I didn't mind.

I literally filled my blog with how my day goes - where I went and what I did.
I wrote about boys, my break-up, and my exams; oblivious to who might be reading them.
Then suddenly, Zulhilmi Bobby, an INTEC-mate commented on one of my blog posts.
That came as a surprise, I didn't know how he stumbled upon my blog.
Then I realised perhaps some people do read my blog. And I started became wary of my too-private contents.

Blog Walking

Soon I discovered blog walking, I frequently hit the "Next Blog" button on the Blogger top navigation bar but I was always directed to weird business, foreign, finances blog.

So I started to Google "Malaysian Bloggers" and stumbled upon blogs which direct me to other blogs and I became so addicted to it, to reading people's blog.
But I was a silent reader, I rarely leave comments on people's blog (bad girl, ain't I?)
Hence I did not make many friends nor followers.

Some of my INTEC friends started blogging too, but they write on religious stuff and opinions while I write a useless online diary 🤣🤣

Changing So Many URLs

Over the years, I perhaps had more than 5 blog addresses, I used both Blogger.com and Wordpress.com.

There was always something not right or downright annoying with my URL; they're either too much information (name combined with my birth month and year), too boring or even too complicated (try saying ineffable divine serenity in one go).

I learned how to import blogs, tweak simple layouts and a little bit of HTML.
I also created a blog for study, another blog dedicated to medical student ramblings, many other blogs for some other topics but they all did not last long.

It continued throughout my medical school years in Malaysia and in the UK.
It was so easy to blog then, I didn't much else things to do.

Housemanship Challenge

Then I started my housemanship in 2016.
That was when I really slowed down in blogging.
I really wanted to blog about my challenges, my hardships and things I observe during training but all I can do during my once-a-week off days were just sleep, sleep and sleep.
And it sort of died down even when I started my MO-ship, what more with the early stages here when I didn't have access to the internet pun.

Now, I am starting to regain my passion for blogging and I hope I can keep it up.
Heck, I even spent money on a new Blogger theme.

So stay tuned!

-Akmar-

~Because life is a test~

Hello, Blog

Assalammualaikum.
Hola hola hola!

I have again changed my blog design, giving it a facelift but this time it's different.
This is the first time I actually spent money on my blog design.
I used to only use free templates from Gooyabi Templates or Sora Templates but I got so inspired after reading this one blogger's blogging tip that I decided to buy a blogger template from Etsy.com.
This template is called Livvy and it cost me RM67!
I still have some issues with the template designs and are still waiting for Eve to reply to my messages on Etsy.

What I Tweaked Myself

The font size - the default font size for this template was very small, I couldn't get my eyes used to it.  I really need read-able font sizes to read comfortably and that means if other people's blog has small font, it really turns me off.

The widget title font - Eve used the Playfair Display font but she made it all lowercase. It gave me a feeling of unprofessionalism. For now, I simply changed it to normal format but I might change the whole font-style later, I get bored pretty easily.

May This Last

I hope I will use this theme for a long time, which is more than a year.
Looking at my track record of changing blog layouts, it is really difficult to achieve.
But since I actually paid for this theme, I hope I will appreciate it more.

-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-

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The Resignation of Our Education Minister

Assalammualaikum.
*Disclaimer: This might sound like a Maszlee fangirl post, but I don't care*

I welcomed 2020 with a heavy heart.
My favourite minister, Dr. Maszlee Malik resigned from his post 😫😫

Dr. Maszlee is I believe, an educator first before he is a politician.
With his prestigious and excellent academic background, he is the most suitable person to hold the Education Minister post.

During the GE14 campaign, I was very thrilled that he competed and even more elated when he won the Simpang Renggam Parliament seat.
When he was appointed the Education Minister, I had nothing but compliments, praises, and hope for him and the future of our education.
But he then came under fire when he was seen and said to be too religious - some people feared he Islamifies the public schools.
However, when asked about his piousness, he replied: "What's wrong with being pious?" - And I admire that straightforward answer of his.

His journey sure wasn't easy. He is perhaps the most criticised minister in PH cabinet - simply because his ministry deals with sensitive issues; the Jawi, vernacular schools, Islamic teachings, History syllabus, etc.
These issues have always been there but perhaps they were not publicised in the past or the previous Ministers did not deal with them - avoiding criticism and denunciation.

Not coming from a political background (He won his first election and right away appointed as the Education Minister), he wasn't really good with gaining the public favours at first. Some experts say he scores an A in his work but C in his publicity.
Even his decision to change the school shoes from white to black gained him the nickname "Menteri Kasut Hitam" - isn't that rude?
So I started following him on Fb, I wanted to show my support to him publicly.
I shared many of his achievements and plans and inspirations through Facebook.
He is I think the first politician that I really follow.

Reading his work in Borneo - visiting the rural schools and making sure they get repaired for students (Sifar Sekolah Daif) and his efforts so that even state-less children (an issue never occurred to me before) can get formal education inspired me.
Reading his vision so that all OKU students can get access to education fascinated me - he tackles issues that not many people think of but is actually a big issue to those affected.
His tagline "Education for All" motivated me.
He started the Free Breakfast for All schoolers - a thoughtful move.
He even introduced the "Suka Sama Suka" teacher transfer program to make it easier for teachers to transfer back to their hometown / nearer to spouse / children / parents.

But suddenly, he resigned. Effective 3rd Jan 2020.
I am pretty sure there is some internal crisis going on.
And I sure hope it is not due to that bloody Jawi syllabus thing.
I hope it is not due to the racism Dong Zong is promoting.

And really, the news of his resignation demotivated me.
So much so that I lost hope in Malaysia.
Macam mana nak dapat "Malaysia Baru" if you drive good people away?
Menteri yang buat kerja bagus, did not come out with stupid comments (unlike some perpaduan minister, or makcik cakap berapi) - pun kena halau from Parlimen, apa lagi nasib rakyat marhaen macam kita ni?
He was on a roll, doing his work and suddenly he resigns. Mesti ada external / internal pressure.
Read: 'Atas nasihat Ayahanda Tun M, saya letak jawatan Menteri Pendidikan' - Maszlee

I have always regarded myself as someone patriotic.
But honestly, upon knowing about his resignation, I immediately feel like migrating from Malaysia.
It reminded me of the Anaesthesiology MO post in Brunei that was advertised to me a few days ago - minimum pay RM11k!
And I already fulfill their criteria.
I feel like taking MCAI and going to Ireland to work.
Or work in Canada, since my mother and sister are enjoying their holidays there and the things that are so cheap.
Perhaps this is what some nonBumis felt - not that they are ungrateful, but they felt hopeless.

Anyway, I signed this petition on Change.org to keep him as our Education Minister.
Not sure how effective this is, I doubt it is but at least it shows the number of people supporting him.


-Because life is a test-

-AkMaR-
http://nur-akmar.blogspot.com